Tick Tock

I feel that lately I have been ungrateful. Take for instance, just now, during a family dinner. We were at Gurney Drive, surrounded by countless food stalls, and I have just finished a plate of Char Koay Teow. I turned to my mom, and told her, I’ve tasted better.

And proceeded to look for a halal bowl of assam laksa to appease my appetite.

I should be grateful that my family is comfortable enough to go on a vacation, stay at nice places, have enough to enjoy the small comforts like having bubble tea whenever we pass a stall or buying trinkets we hardly need. And have yummy dinners such as I the one I had earlier.

I think I blame it on my increasing insatiable appetite. Not just for food, but for more out of life. At times, I think I have squeezed my life dry. I have experienced things that I have wanted to do, go to places I wanted to go and prolly on my way to being the person that I wanted to be, whoever that is.

But these days, I feel as if I’m standing on a precipice; deciding to be who, doing what, where.

I try my best to be grateful. I do think I have a lot to be grateful for. Earlier this year I prayed that 2010 will be a better one, and God has given me a chance to play and perform in a band, be a bridesmaid for a good friend, spend more time with my family, take a beach vacation (albeit with the family) and a pretty awesome birthday with my close friends and family, with great presents, some of which I prolly don't deserve.

But somehow, I will keep wondering; should I just accept this life right now, or throw caution to the wind for another one that I have no idea what shape it will take.

At the end of the day, no one, but yourself is responsible for your happiness.

Seduce me with your words and you shall have my heart.

Once, I frequented this blog (oh yes, I too, think next to my designation on my name card, I should seriously consider inserting “Professional Blog Hopper cum Stalker Extraordinaire”) and fell in love with its writing. Nothing new there, until I found the writer’s picture on Friendster.

Eww, macam penyangak.

Yes, I am also INCREDIBLYYYY shallow. And am, now, no longer ashamed to be labelled as one.

But I continued reading his writings, bearing in mind his physical properties.

*sigh* I’m still smitten.

Recently, about a few months back, as I was nursing my ego back to life, I plucked up the courage to start reading this controversial writer’s blog; finding his colourful language captivating, his callousness highly attractive, and his philosophies on life, however skewed and screwed, extremely enchanting.

Googled his image. Oh, yucks. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not toad-ugly, but definitely not the image I conjured up in my mind. I had low expectations, he just kinda went off-tangent from it.

Still, I continued reading his entries, all the while, mindful of how he would look like typing it all down.

Damn, I’m still smitten.

For Today.

The one thing that I have come to realise thus far in the new year is that, only YOU, can make things happen for yourself.

Not your mom, sister, brother, BFF, lady boss, band member, guy-next-door, an aunty who means well.

No one else, but YOU.

And that's what's gonna carry me throughout the next phase of my life.

p/s: i think i'm beyond posting lyrics for every post. This blog is approaching it's 7th year after all, and despite my sporadic posts, i still think it needs a revamp. What's with entering a new decade and all, yo. But yes, ending a sentence with "yo" is still not beyond me. After all, i still need to keep a shred of foolish youthfulness in my back pocket.

Turning

And maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
Then you should turn yourself around and come on home

- Matchbox 20's "Bright Lights" -


This year, I aim to...




Try Harder.



I've got stories to tell, but a mini mountain of work to focus on.

But I'll definitely be back.