It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever had.
It's the best thing that you've ever had; the best thing you've had has gone away.
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
- Radiohead’s “High and Dry” -
I have been told that I think too much.
I do.
I do think too much. I do it so that I can avoid feeling too much. When I think (much), I visualize possible situations and outcomes, and strategize ways of avoiding the unpleasant ones.
It helps me live life better; less hurt, less surprises, more control.
Well, time has shown me that NOTHING is really within my control.
I have spiralled out of control, all the while thinking I was steering the right path. Ironic eh?
So, I’m learning to let go. Or as how one BFF puts it, put everything you know about her *looks at me* into a box, and campak jauh-jauh.
So, yeah. I’ll do that to myself too.
So in the act of mendefying the norm, I had paper tosei and tenggiri goring at Raju’s yesterday. COMPLETELY. A.L.O.N.E.
Ok yeah, I almost chickened out at the last minute, and sped off towards decent civilization aka A&W or Amcorp Mall, where sitting alone wouldn’t have scared me as much. But I took a u-turn, parked my car, took a deep breath, and saunter casually to the OUTSIDE seating area. And had my meal alone.
Scary, but adventurous. You think? Haha.
And, I semi-flirted with a semi-cute guy that night at a sushi bar, where I was invited to watch another guy and his friend perform. I have no agenda whatsoever there *hmm ye ke* except to listen to good music, but I walked away at midnight thinking that that was one of the best nights out I’ve had in a long time. Even though all I essentially did was eat sushi and chatted with buddies.
I’m beginning to see good things coming to me. Not so much physically, but mentally. I feel good about myself these past few days. Being busy certainly helps, but during those quiet moments, I do feel blessed. Blessed that I’m still here, I’m still me, I still *insya-Allah* have a long way to go.
