I've got me a pain in the neck

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

- Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" -

Last night I did this:



I was quite amazed that my body did went that way, but HOF COZ I had help from the instructor. Gilo apo.

It was amaaaazing. But apparently, since I have lots of flesh on my chest *gee, wonder what those are*, I was having problems holding that position. I seemed to be suffocating. Hahahahahhaa.

Plus, since I was quite nervous about my body holding the position, I panicked and topple over. Sideways. Not a pretty sight that’s for sure.

Then we did this:



Which was really cool since I’ve always had dreams of walking around in an upside down home.

The plan was to fast today. But since dinner last night was not substantial *hah!*, I had buns, glorious buns for breakfast. And nasi campur for lunch.

HELLPPP! Macamana nak kurus nie *sighs*.

On top of that all, Lish has asked me to go to Phuket with her and Cammy in November.

Eeeks!

*Breathe, breathe, breathe*

I know, I know, I KNOW I have fong fei kei-ed several people this year *kow tows to Neri* but I really, really, really wanna go *whines*.

Tetapi, there are 2 issues at hand:

1. I’ve already kinda put aside some dosh for the expensive tailoring on this penanggah baju I’m making for a wedding that I’m supposed to be on duty for in December. It’s pricy, but apparently, worth it. Kalau tak worth it, memangla I tembak itu amoi on the spot. Joking. Well, maybe, we’ll see. Therefore, much reduced moolah allocated for ridiculous, self-rewarding pleasures.

2. *Please get your puke bag out now*. I *giggle deliriously* secretly *not so secret anymore* want to wear a 2-piece swimsuit to my next beach holiday. *Please puke now.*

HAHAHAHAHHAA.

Which is, of course, not even an imaginable option even if I drop 10 kilos in the next 5 days.

Eh, can aa?

How, how, howww?

Hot green tea musings on a rainy afternoon.

It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever had.
It's the best thing that you've ever had; the best thing you've had has gone away.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

- Radiohead’s “High and Dry” -



I have been told that I think too much.

I do.

I do think too much. I do it so that I can avoid feeling too much. When I think (much), I visualize possible situations and outcomes, and strategize ways of avoiding the unpleasant ones.

It helps me live life better; less hurt, less surprises, more control.

Well, time has shown me that NOTHING is really within my control.

I have spiralled out of control, all the while thinking I was steering the right path. Ironic eh?

So, I’m learning to let go. Or as how one BFF puts it, put everything you know about her *looks at me* into a box, and campak jauh-jauh.

So, yeah. I’ll do that to myself too.

So in the act of mendefying the norm, I had paper tosei and tenggiri goring at Raju’s yesterday. COMPLETELY. A.L.O.N.E.

Ok yeah, I almost chickened out at the last minute, and sped off towards decent civilization aka A&W or Amcorp Mall, where sitting alone wouldn’t have scared me as much. But I took a u-turn, parked my car, took a deep breath, and saunter casually to the OUTSIDE seating area. And had my meal alone.

Scary, but adventurous. You think? Haha.

And, I semi-flirted with a semi-cute guy that night at a sushi bar, where I was invited to watch another guy and his friend perform. I have no agenda whatsoever there *hmm ye ke* except to listen to good music, but I walked away at midnight thinking that that was one of the best nights out I’ve had in a long time. Even though all I essentially did was eat sushi and chatted with buddies.

I’m beginning to see good things coming to me. Not so much physically, but mentally. I feel good about myself these past few days. Being busy certainly helps, but during those quiet moments, I do feel blessed. Blessed that I’m still here, I’m still me, I still *insya-Allah* have a long way to go.

Who knows eh?

Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh

- Onerepublic’s “Come Home” -

He paid for the movie.

And the popcorn.

So, was that a date?

What, with him?! No way! But it was nice tho ;)

The lunch date? What’s up with that?

Oh that? Well, it went…okay, I guess..

You guess?? What do you mean? Tell! Details!!

What do you want to know? We arrange to meet, we met, we decided on a venue and we went.

Hello?! Gi mana?

Food court.

Food court?! Seriously?!

Seriously. And I was ok about it. See, I’m not that hard to please *sticks tongue out*.

Pshhyeah right! So, how was the date at the *snicker* foodcourt?

Well, all in all, it went ok.

Right, I think you need a new vocabulary, because okay is turning out to be the only adjective you’re using today.

Chill la akak. We met an old friend of his while queuing up to buy our food. He paid by the way. *score!* Haha.

What did you order?

Omaigodz, is that even important?!

Yes, especially knowing you and your tendency to feed your shirt during lunch time. Wait, what did you wear?

I told you, a blue ribbon ala Summer.

I’m assuming there’s clothes as well right, because nobody reported indecent nudity lately.

Of course la, DUHHHH! I had on a, urrm, baju kurung.

Seriously?

Omigod. Is that the word of the day for you? Yes, seriously. A dark blue one, the one that everyone says I look *cough, cough* slim in *smug smile*

Peh. So, how was it?

Well, I told you he met his old friend kan. We ended up joining that old friend with another friend for lunch.

So, technically, it was a double date.

It was a freaking blind double-date with people who didn’t know we were on a date. I think. Plus the other guy was married. And the other girl seemed single.

This sounds too weird, even for me.

No la. The married guy was cool. Told us he has 4 kids, citing “Wife aku hot sangat” as a reason *giggles*

God, you’re soo easily pleased. Habis tu, did u guys talk at all?

You think?

Dammit. You need to go out with someone else la.

*sigh* you think? But this guy macam ada potential. Unless he was totally turned off during that lunch date la, then I guess I have to trawl FB’s Speedate.

Eww! You go for those things?

Hallo, I nak cakap hello dengan total stranger pun pikir berminggu-minggu!

Betul jugak tu. So, how did that date ended?

Well, I had to leave, told him so, and he said he’ll sms me and just wave from his sitting position.

Real smooth.

Kan? He is kinda sweet tho. Paid for my lunch and all. And he did text me later, apologizing for what happened.

Really now. So, is there gonna be a 2nd date?

Who knows?

Hit me.

Well my temperature is rising got my feet on the floor
Crazy people rocking 'cause they want to go more
Let me in baby I don't know what you got
But you better take it easy 'cause this place is hot
And I'm so glad you made it, so glad you made it
You got to gimme some lovin', gimme gimme some lovin'

- Spencer Davis Group’s “Gimme Some Lovin’” OST Notting Hill

It’s funny how you travel across the world and time, and yet somehow, that one person or few persons from the past, manages to catch up.

During the fasting month, I met an old uni mate whom I used to say hi to. She remembered me, we exchanged numbers, and consequently, she added me on FB. I suspect I’ll also be getting an invitation to her wedding next month.

Today, in my first yoga class after yonks, I met another person from uni, who ALSO remembers my face. We exchanged names and she offered to help me out on those fancy equipment. While huffing and puffing away, she told me that she’s getting into shape for a friend’s wedding next month. Guess who’s?

Teehee. Life’s funny that way ☺

And, I also met someone, who, if destiny played its hand differently, would have prolly be somebody to me today. Hmm.

So, I have a lunch date tomorrow. No expectations whatsoever. Well, only one: that he shows up, haha.

And I’ll be wearing that blue ribbon ala Summer. Can you say suckerrrr?

Dah ok dah.

You are young, and I am scared
You're wise beyond your years, but I don't care
And I can feel your heartbeat
You know exactly where to take me

-Metro Station’s “Seventeen Forever” -

And as they say, your life is what you make of it.

So, I spent my Saturday night, getting totally filled up with the yummiest home-made mushroom soup and Baskin Robbins and laughed the entire night with the BFFs plus 2 with stories, songs and about 7 rounds of Gin Rummy. We lighted up a firecracker at around 2 am, thinking that we’d celebrate Deepavali as well *about 20 hours too late, hehe*. Turns out the firecracker wasn’t the quiet type; it popped and cracked as loud as those CNY red ones, that I was pretty sure we woke half of Shah Alam that night. Eeks! After that, sorang-sorang tiptoe out of the house, with shoes in our hands, haha.

I had a really blissful Sunday all to myself. Painful facial in the morning, a wash, trim and blow at a saloon that is fast becoming a favourite and, to reminisce a Friday night movie, had nasi kandar with pappadom. Yums. Totally quiet, solitary and uneventful day, but it’s something that I’d prolly miss in the future nanti.

Oh yeah, go watch 500 Days of Summer. It tugged my heartstring every few minutes, it’s almost a cliché.

I’m set to face this week with prettily blown hair, flirty short black skirt and cham in my tummy *grins*. I think that’s a good start.

Kan?

It has been that long

Haven’t had a dream in a long time
See, the life Ive had
Can make a good man bad

- The Smiths’ “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want” OST 500 Days of Summer

I seriously think that at a certain point in life, a person should move out from staying with his/ her parents.

It is not so much that we crave for our own freedom, or that we want the luxury of walking around naked in our own home. I think, to me, it is more of the fact that people evolve. We may not change entirely, but we evolve; fueled by our own experiences, our advancing outlook on life, and how, simply put, we have different priorities or even differing opinions from them. And unfortunately, these opinions/ priorities/ needs may not jive seamlessly with theirs.

When we were children, most of our decisions were made with them in the background. As we grow to become young adults, tip –toeing into the working world, we still take their opinions into account, because we know they know best and can give us valuable advices.

I shouldn’t be stereotyping here: I am talking about me. What is this nonsense of referring me as “we” *sheesh*

So, as I near the big 3-0, I find that as much as my decisions still includes them into the picture, I also tend to struggle at making decisions that would make me, ultimately, happy. It doesn’t really help that one parental unit, is kinda a control freak, and still hasn’t lepaskan her leash completely just yet.

The other day, I made a decision, on a whim, which is supposed to make me happy. No one else but me. And it doesn’t involve decapitating anyone’s limbs, so I’m pretty sure, it causes no harm to the world at large.

But back home, a Cold War ensues.

*sigh*

I know I sound like I’m blaming those people I live with, but I’m tired of thinking too much sometimes. I just want to LIVE.

Salah ke?

I know I once wrote about filial piety and stuff. But screw that. I want to be selfish today.

You were not there when I went through one of the darkest moments of my life. You didn’t know what it takes for me to pull myself out, and how many nights my pillowcase got soaked with tears. To you, my life is all fine and dandy, careless even, with naught a thought about how you feel towards my current existence. This is something I NEED to do. This is something that, if not much, would help me get on with my life.

I am not YOU. I am not as strong as you. I need what I need to get on.

But don’t worry, I won’t abandon you.

So please, just let me be.

A Day in the Life of a Procrastinator

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
and speak my point of view
But it's not sane, It's not sane

- Blind Melon's "No Rain" -

Arrghhh, i dooo want to update!

But I am Si Penprocrastinator yang sangat professional *sigh*

So, i'll just jot down bits and bobs floating in my mind lately.

1. My current working shirts are kinda big and puffy, hence making me look verrrry mak orang. Damn. So, I'm gonna get them altered. Apa nak jadi jadi la. See Afti, i do talk about what I wear whenever I can, teehee.

2. I LOVEEEE wearing the baju kurung. Especially the well cut and sewn ones. Yes, even to the shopping mall, but not saja2 la. I mean, if i happen to go to the mall after work on a day I'm wearing one, i wouldn't mind. But if you told me to go put on a baju kurung because we are GOING to the mall, then mungkin I might jerit at you kot. Therefore, I don't appreciate it if you think it's a disgusting thing to do. So there.

3. I'm going up north this weekend for a girlfriend's wedding. The last remaining single one (except for me). I can either shoot myself in the foot and get an MC to get myself out of going, or get myself all dolled up for the event. I opt for the latter. I still need my foot to tendang myself if i'm still single at age 40.

4. I'm searching for a decent yoga place/ classes for after work activities. It's kinda down to to Energy @ Plaza Damas, or Celebrity Fitness. Both cons are prolly parking. Annd, Energy's got no surau. How? Damn, i miss Studio W.

5. My lappie's shutting down in 12 minutes. I should shut down and go hug my pillow in about less time than that. So i'm gonna shut up now.