Random Questions Part 1

My hand are shakin
From carryin this torch
From carryin this torch for you

- Sondre Lerche’s “My Hands Are Shaking” OST Dan In Real Life -

So, again, in the event of updating my nyawa-nyawa ikan blog and getting into my groove again, I shall just post random questions. I’m not sure if these questions would be a part of any series, but let’s take it one step at a time.

Just like how I’m taking my days.

Random Question No. 1:

What was the most memorable present that you’ve given your mom?

I know, I know…gila random kan? So shoot me. I used to be able to fling these kinda questions out and get an unexpected answer, but those days are long gone. So, this blog is the one thing still existing after 5 freaking years (sangatlah loyal ok), therefore, it has to bear the brunt of my need to vent and voice out. Ok, like do I even NEED to justify myself?! Note to self: no more cough medicine after midnight!

Anyhoo, the answer to that question, is actually this green coffee mug with maroonish paisley print all over it. I got that for her when I was 11/12 (can’t really remember the year actually). It was prolly the first present that I have ever chosen for her, ALL BY MYSELF. I still remember going off to Subang Parade with my late grandpa, where I bought it (with his help of course) from Parkson.

I don’t really remember why that mug stucked in my head while I thought up that question (hah! And she tells us she’s got no time!). I have given her numerous other things, ranging from pendants to wallets to caftans to handbags. Prolly because almost ten years after giving her that coffee mug, I would walk into her office and still see it sitting prettily on her table, filled with her choice of drink that day. It may not be the most glamorous item ever, and yet it fulfilled its purpose till the very end.

Remembering that just gives me a certain glow (I know, gila cliché kan?) inside. I never did found out what happened to that mug. When my mom returned home on the last day of her job, it didn’t come along with her. I hope, true to my mom’s nature, it is serving it’s purpose in a pantry somewhere in her old office.

Random Question No. 2:

What would you do if you found out that you are going to die in a week’s time?

Haha. Sajer. :p

Well, despite my extremely shallow ibadah and the fact that my sins are so the berkoyan-koyan, I will not spend the last week of my life, sitting on my prayer mat, begging for forgiveness. Oh, but of course I will beg for forgiveness, in my daily prayers, which I hope to not miss (let’s hope I would not be having my period during the last week of my life then!), and privately, I guess, in between my daily thoughts. I believe that as much as taubat nasuha would tip the scales for me during that week, my past deeds, actions and words would come in handy as well. Therefore, I would choose not to worry about that (too) much, and, leave it all to the Almighty.

My debts? Well, for the major ones, I guess I would sell off whatever assets I can, and try to settle them. I haven’t as many (yet) so, I hope I’ll be able to settle them off so as not to burden my family. What I’m more concerned about is those minor debts. Those coins I used to borrow from a close friend in primary school. That one particular book that I borrowed from my school library, but just cannot bear to part with (till now!). All those verbal promises I made to my loved ones. I guess that would be my biggest worry.

Yes, I would love to spend the last of my days with my loved ones. Yet, I think it is also time for me to be alone. To just think over my life, celebrate my triumphs, courage and strength quietly, and to give myself time to totally forgive myself for not being the person I thought I should be. Ok laa, I give myself a day for that hehe.

I would also love to view the Almighty’s creations up close. I think before I die, I would love to see mountains. Or perhaps glaciers. Tapi, adakah sempat untuk travel to go see icebergs?! Haha, journey je dah 3 hari haha! But mountains, that’s a must. Just to remind myself of what I have missed while life passes me by.

Lastly, go home, and cuddle up to my loved ones, try to retain their scent and touch in my mind. For I hope those would be that last things that lingers before I finally shut my eyes.

Random Question No. 3:

Kalau a conversation with the mommy goes like this:

Mom : Jangan mandi malam!

Self : NAK! (Nada menjerit, kerana menjerit from room). (Then in a softer, meeker tone) Nak sikit…

Mom : Ya Allah..(in a resigned tone kerana tahu anaknya akan buat jugak),

Menderhakakah namanya?

Ok, I have no answer to that, because I just did that earlier on tadi. Whoopsies.