To keep pushing it.

When I drop you boy
You'll need another toy
One that wont stand up for herself
When I knock you down
You'll need another town
where somebodys gonna talk to you,
You just let me wait now its too late
For your delayed delayed devotion

- Duffy’s “Delayed Devotion” –

Time and again, I find myself reassuring myself that my somewhat small life is enough and means the world to me. That my friends, the few handfuls that I have, bring me joy whenever I’m around them. That I do have fun be it by a roadside stall or at a swanky eaterie, because they, the company that I have, is what brings me the joy and happiness that I seek.

It does not have to be at the latest club, where we’d be bopping to the latest tunes.

It does not have to be at a posh restaurant where we can’t even pronounce the name, let alone the starters.

It does not even have to involve getting all dressed up to the nines, because they have all prolly seen me in my pajamas.

I read somewhere about this imaginary happiness button that we have in us, that triggers happy thoughts, thus releasing the endorphins that keeps us positive, motivated and keeps us going on in life. I discovered that my happy buttons almost always involves happy, laughing and especially LOUD sessions with my friends and close families. Well, when it doesn’t involve me being in the spotlight, of course. Tee hee.

I find that time and again, I need to locate this happy button and push it hard. Lately, I find that this is occurring rather often. Especially during the weekends when my mind keeps unbalancing itself with negative, self-ruining thoughts.

So, my happy button this week will consist of the laughters shared with friends over dinner on Friday night, the euphoria of emceeing at the bowling tourney on Saturday, the dinner shared with the best friend, her hubby and the chubbylicious daughter on Saturday night and one of the best belated birthday session a girl could have on Sunday with the best girlfriends, ever.

I heart you guys so, so, so much. You guys don’t know how much you guys are keeping me grounded and keeping me away from suicidal thoughts.

Ok la, mental suicidal.

So, here’s wishing everyone would find their own happy buttons and to keep pushing it.

We only owe it to ourselves to have the happy life we deserve.

Dan aku terus…

Kupetik gitar akustik ini
Dengan harapan dia mendengar
Melodi indah yang kucipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

- Aizat’s “Lagu Kita” -

I’m turning into such a mush lately.

Like I don’t have anything to hang on to.

Like my life seems to be precariously balanced on an unseen hand.

A hand that seems to grip this soul, rendering it helpless.

And lifeless.

I need to regain control of my life again.

If not, entirely, then bit by bit.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, says Eleanor Roosevelt.

So I need to surround myself with happy, positive thoughts. Thoughts that are not poisonous. Thoughts that can lift me out of my doldrums.

I need my happiness to come from within. Come from within, come from within.

Don’t think about what ifs, what could’ves, what would’ves.

Those thoughts will bring me down, and that’s the LAST THING I need.

So, as a start, I would like to surround myself with positive people. And the best one that I could think of at this moment is Intan.

Which means, I’m seriously contemplating rejoining StudioW. *sigh*

I think it’s high time I get back to exercising. *Gulps*

I had grand plans of going swimming in the UITM pool tho. Why? Cuz it’s the nearest and by jove, it is prolly one of the cheapest mode of exercise for me. Today, I bounded joyfully to the centre to pick up the schedule and nearly banged into the locked glass doors.

“As the maintenance for the pool complex is taking a longer time than was earlier mentioned, we would like to extend the closure of this pool complex to 15th March…”

Whaaa?????

Ok laa, it doesn’t exactly say that, but that’s the gist of it.

Baru je semangat.

So I went home and ate a plate of fried meehoon. Bleh.

But I will rise above this all. I will, I will, I will.