Anew

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.

- Jon Mclaughlin’s “Beautiful Disaster” -

Yesterday, unbeknownst to me until the very last minute, was actually the last day I took a bus ride to and from the office. And I made it a good and worthwhile one.

I stood and swayed for an hour on my kitten heels, concentrating furiously on Nick Hornby’s “How to Be Good” so as to ignore the ache in my calves and the balls of my feet, while riding on my way to the office. On the way back, I stood patiently for an hour, waiting for the bus home in the fumes-filled underbelly of KL Sentral. And on both ways, I was wedged, albeit not tightly *thank God*, with questionably-odorous individuals, who left warm imprints of themselves on my sleeves.

I think I’ve paid my dues. I don’t really know what this penance is for. Perhaps, I secretly feel guilty that I spent too much time having fun back in uni, with the trusty steed that my parents bestowed me. Perhaps, I feel guilty at not being able to contribute financially to the household or not holding a good enough job to warrant the investment they made to my education. Perhaps, it was just a vague stab at being responsible and being a strong and hardy enough person.

So, this is it. No more queuing up for the bus in the mornings, crossing my fingers, praying hard that I’ll get a seat. No more rushing for seats *the best ones are few and coveted by many due to its guilt-free location, where you’re not obliged to offer to give it up to a person who may deserve it more. Plus, it has better leg room and a view*. .No more inane shows on the tiny telly screen that lately always seemed to be on the blink. No more jostling with after-office-hours crowd. No more choking on fumes. No more 2-hour journey home.

Bottom line: No more standing.

But the thing is, no more RM 2 ride daily. This is big, as it severely enhances the savings for my overseas trips that I can barely afford. No more me-time to read *although, most of the time I always doze off till about 3 quarters of the journey*. No more catching up on sleep on the bus.

Truth is, I have been looking forward to this day in a long time. And I sometimes wonder why I didn’t fight for this sooner.