Everything I wanted to say
So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you
Wouldn't that save you
Wouldn't that save you
- Matthew Perryman's "Save You" -
The Dance
I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.
Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.
Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .
I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving
those we once loved out loud.
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.
Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.
Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.
And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.
Don’t say, “Yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me.
© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Dance, HarperSanFrancisco, 2001
Everything...and more....
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 / 11:48 PM
|
Monday, September 22, 2008 / 9:33 PM
Macam-macam Ragam
I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know you're making me work so hard
That you give me no . . .
Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me
- Wheatus's "A Little Respect" -
Bila time puasa nie, mula la meragam. Perut nie nak makan macam-macam. Hari tu, tercraving kebab. But not just any kebab. Kena kebab on skewers yang dipanggang with peppers on a bbq pit. Not the ones that come in that half pita bread or that hotdog bun. Dan yang hanya boleh didapati *so far* di Bazar Ramadhan Stadium Shah Alam or Kelana Jaya. Which is why I'm so adamant about going to KJ's Bazar Ramadhan this year. And yet, I've not been able to make my way there. However, after reading my favourite site, I was then tempted to visit the one in Subang.
Now the one in Subang is really special to me. I guess it's because I grew up there, but didn't go to high school there, so I always go to the Bazar Ramadhan with hopes that I would bump into some of my old school friends. So far, it has never disappoint me. Amazingly enough, i still bump into the same people, after 18 years?! I guess some of them can never really leave that suburb.
It wasn't so much the baked potato or the Tunisian pastry or even the lai chi kang. It was just..the familiarity of the places. And how I could recognize some of the faces. True enough, I bumped into a dear old friend of mine, whom I've lost contact. She is now married, pregnant and behijabed. And as I stare at her, I remembered her as the small girl she once was, when we would play stupid word games by the school gates, and gush over the cute guys in school.
Then she touched my curls, and asked.."you nie, bila nak pakai tudung pulak?"
Gulps.
And tadi, setelah meround the other floors of the office, I noticed that my division is celebrating Raya very shabbily. I saw how the others hung fairy lights and Raya cards *never mind la that it may be empty or last year's, tapi yang penting nampak meriah ok!*. So, I went to mengomel at my staff. And she managed to unearth some Raya decorations from last year. Huzzah! We're stylin baby! I've gotten them to hang some dodgy lights that plays Raya tunes in this annoying sound and cardboard deco from the sprinklers. And we're pasting tiny, faded yet festive ketupats on everyone's doors! Aah, the joy of kitschyness.
Lagi satu benda yang nak dibuat bulan puasa nie yang belum pernah di-attempt. Nak berbuka tepi pantai. Nakkkkk sangatttt. Sampai sanggup google hotel-hotel dipersisiran pantai nak cari Ramadhan buffet. Itula lagi satu ragam yang nak dilayan
So i found a suitable venue la. I nie kan pengoogle tersohor. I called them up, asked them to fax over the menu and made plans with my BFFs. Kesian diorang. Asyik kena layan moi. Well, all i can say is, find me a man, and I'll be out of your life, pronto!
Anyhoo, sementalah mengoogle tempat ini, haruslah membaca reviews oleh other tourists who have been there. Hmm, how do I put this? It seems that our foreign tourists are much more appreciative of that resort compared to local travelers and our local travelers had more to complain about it. Now, there's a few things that I noticed in those reviews:
1. The foreign tourists prolly had no expectations whatsoever of this resort that whatever good service that came out of it came as a pleasant surprise.
2. Our local tourists, are a little bit more critical when it comes to the resort's service. Which comes as a surprise to me, as hey, we are not exactly the country that is an epitome of excellent service kan? You can get better service in Jakarta hands down, sometimes.
3. The foreign tourist were complimenting on the beach, the sunsets, the smiles from the staff. Now this last bit, I'm always skeptical. I find that our local service staff do treat foreigners better than they treat the locals. Hop on one of the MAS flights and tell me if you don't feel it a smidgen.
4. I'm still wondering how we can be so critical, but I'll just put it down to a heightened sense wanting the best that your money can give.
Anyhoo, I'm not going to spew the virtues of customer service here..I'm just looking forward to my berbuka session ditepi pantai yang indah. Walaupun, actually, pantai dan laut tu mungkin la tak seindah mana. But it's the thought and ambiance that counts, right?
I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know you're making me work so hard
That you give me no . . .
Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me
- Wheatus's "A Little Respect" -
Bila time puasa nie, mula la meragam. Perut nie nak makan macam-macam. Hari tu, tercraving kebab. But not just any kebab. Kena kebab on skewers yang dipanggang with peppers on a bbq pit. Not the ones that come in that half pita bread or that hotdog bun. Dan yang hanya boleh didapati *so far* di Bazar Ramadhan Stadium Shah Alam or Kelana Jaya. Which is why I'm so adamant about going to KJ's Bazar Ramadhan this year. And yet, I've not been able to make my way there. However, after reading my favourite site, I was then tempted to visit the one in Subang.
Now the one in Subang is really special to me. I guess it's because I grew up there, but didn't go to high school there, so I always go to the Bazar Ramadhan with hopes that I would bump into some of my old school friends. So far, it has never disappoint me. Amazingly enough, i still bump into the same people, after 18 years?! I guess some of them can never really leave that suburb.
It wasn't so much the baked potato or the Tunisian pastry or even the lai chi kang. It was just..the familiarity of the places. And how I could recognize some of the faces. True enough, I bumped into a dear old friend of mine, whom I've lost contact. She is now married, pregnant and behijabed. And as I stare at her, I remembered her as the small girl she once was, when we would play stupid word games by the school gates, and gush over the cute guys in school.
Then she touched my curls, and asked.."you nie, bila nak pakai tudung pulak?"
Gulps.
And tadi, setelah meround the other floors of the office, I noticed that my division is celebrating Raya very shabbily. I saw how the others hung fairy lights and Raya cards *never mind la that it may be empty or last year's, tapi yang penting nampak meriah ok!*. So, I went to mengomel at my staff. And she managed to unearth some Raya decorations from last year. Huzzah! We're stylin baby! I've gotten them to hang some dodgy lights that plays Raya tunes in this annoying sound and cardboard deco from the sprinklers. And we're pasting tiny, faded yet festive ketupats on everyone's doors! Aah, the joy of kitschyness.
Lagi satu benda yang nak dibuat bulan puasa nie yang belum pernah di-attempt. Nak berbuka tepi pantai. Nakkkkk sangatttt. Sampai sanggup google hotel-hotel dipersisiran pantai nak cari Ramadhan buffet. Itula lagi satu ragam yang nak dilayan
So i found a suitable venue la. I nie kan pengoogle tersohor. I called them up, asked them to fax over the menu and made plans with my BFFs. Kesian diorang. Asyik kena layan moi. Well, all i can say is, find me a man, and I'll be out of your life, pronto!
Anyhoo, sementalah mengoogle tempat ini, haruslah membaca reviews oleh other tourists who have been there. Hmm, how do I put this? It seems that our foreign tourists are much more appreciative of that resort compared to local travelers and our local travelers had more to complain about it. Now, there's a few things that I noticed in those reviews:
1. The foreign tourists prolly had no expectations whatsoever of this resort that whatever good service that came out of it came as a pleasant surprise.
2. Our local tourists, are a little bit more critical when it comes to the resort's service. Which comes as a surprise to me, as hey, we are not exactly the country that is an epitome of excellent service kan? You can get better service in Jakarta hands down, sometimes.
3. The foreign tourist were complimenting on the beach, the sunsets, the smiles from the staff. Now this last bit, I'm always skeptical. I find that our local service staff do treat foreigners better than they treat the locals. Hop on one of the MAS flights and tell me if you don't feel it a smidgen.
4. I'm still wondering how we can be so critical, but I'll just put it down to a heightened sense wanting the best that your money can give.
Anyhoo, I'm not going to spew the virtues of customer service here..I'm just looking forward to my berbuka session ditepi pantai yang indah. Walaupun, actually, pantai dan laut tu mungkin la tak seindah mana. But it's the thought and ambiance that counts, right?
|
Tuesday, September 16, 2008 / 10:57 AM
The Sartorial Interview
Tagged by Ninie
Don't be rude, I love you madly.
It's up to you, I'll take you gladly.
Love is blind, my vision's hazy.
It didn't take me long to say
I'm in the mood!
- Bette Midler's "In The Mood" -
Omigod, omigod, I was tagged by Ninie to do the Sart interview!!! *hyperventilate*. I’ve read other interviews done by people more interesting than me and was wishing that someone would tag me *like the ditz I can be*..and someone did! Yay! Thanks Ninie!
*Job?
I can barely explain my job to my brother, and you want me to expound its virtues here?! But at least I have a job kan? *Alhamdulillah*
*Best sartorial advice from your parents?
Never wear horizontal stripes..and yet, that was what I was caught on in my old ic photo….in black and white, it just looked nasty!
*Style icons
Sadly enough, and you may have seen it coming, Oprah. It’s prolly the hair and the chunkier-than-thou physique, altho’s I bet she’s a lot fitter than I am.
*Describe your personal style
Classically comfortable. I used to live in comfortable short sleeved shirts and sensible pants. Unfortunately, it has made me look like my mom’s older sister at times, so recently, I’ve been experimenting a little. So, now, my personal style is “belasah aje as long as I look pwetty, pwetty, pwetty…oh, better yet, if my sister praises my outfit”.
*I build my daily look around...
My mood, my hair and who I want to impress that day. Seriously, I am that shallow.
*Personal Style quirk
I love pairing red with black. I think I look good in red :) Besides, it makes me feel a tad sexier. And I’m always on a look out for red heels that are not slutty.
*Favorite designers
I worship the grounds on which the designers for Marks & Spencer walks on. Especially those who look out for chunky but short people like me *shoutout*.
*Most cherished item
1. My beaded black organza kebaya top. Sure fire way to garner compliments and to look uber-elegant at the same time. Especially when you’re stuck at yet another wedding, fielding off questions about your impending one with a plastic smile. Plus, it’s flattering and would *hopefully* never go out of style!
2. My black knitted knee length skirt which I’ve owned since yonks. It has carried me through my clubbing days and now serves me faithfully whenever I need to look good and impress people in the office haha!
3. My one and only pair of coquettish red heels.
5. My tummy-tuckers. ‘Nuff said.
*I feel best wearing?
Something that makes me look good at every angle. Which doesn’t happen often, so, I’m perpetually going “I’ve got nooothinnggg to weeeaarrrr!!* But said kebaya with sarong and a black corset, plus hair and makeup, always manage to lift my spirits, altho’ let’s face it, how often can you get away with that outfit? *rolls eyes*
*The first thing I look at in another Sartorialist’s outfit...
I don’t know any Sartorialists! But through prefects training ten years back, I’ve learnt to look at the whole package to spot if she has her kancing on, if her earrings are the right colour, if her fingernails are short, if her hair is coloured……
*I always break this fashion rule...
Never wear your mom’s clothes. But I wear my mom’s baju kurung ALL the time! They’re nicer than mine! Altho’ that does say something about my mom’s taste and my size…
*I never break this fashion rule...
Kurungs or kebayas for Raya and open houses.
*Never caught wearing?
Hot pants and mini skirts. Want to be blinded or what?
*Most underrated item in menswear/womenswear?
A well-cut blazer/ jacket. In a bad one, you’ll just sport the tenggelam-under-a-kelambu look.
*Dress to impress who?
Who I want to impress? Oh, everyone. Right from corporate figures, to sexy male bosses, to snobby female bosses, to other chunky peers, to the average guy on the street. And my mom wonders why I take so long to get ready in the morning.
*Shine your own shoes?
Couldn’t be bothered. Only when I’m out to impress hehe.
*Favorite stores?
Marks & Spencer, Principles and H&M. Oh you mean, kedai-kedai kat Malaysia? Sorry la, I kan snobbish sikit bab-bab beli baju kat Malaysia nie *said in a Mat Salleh accent*.
*Your next “must have” purchase?
A lovely dress that I’m eyeing in Tangs. It would go very well with a date to an Italian restaurant haha!
*I only buy __________ in Europe.
Everything! And I want more!
*I skimp when buying …
Mascara. Maybelline has some great ones. And facial cleansers. I find that Neutrogena and Eversoft is just as great. But I’m currently hooked on Origins these days *yes, I am luxurious* And, outfits to work out in. I get them at Carrefour, Reject Shop and FOS *yes, I can be sooo cheap!*
*I splurge on…..
Clothes that fit me well and make me look pwetty! Especially evening wear. I just close both eyes when I make the purchase. And undergarments. Especially tummy tuckers. ‘Nuff said.
*Favorite item of clothing
I’ve got an asymmetrical black skirt from Elle that I love to death. It’s got some bulu2 already due to excessive wash. And my cute red top from M&S, which I’m trying to not wear too often.
*Guilty pleasure
Expensive hair care product. Mask from L’Occitane and serums and styling products from salon brands. When you have hair like mine, trust me, they are a worthy investment.
*Perfume, Skincare
Currently, I’m using Paul Smith’s Rose. This was after circling Heathrow’s duty free zone for like, 500 times. Initially I wanted to replace my Daisy by Marc Jacobs which were snatched along back in February. But the promoter managed to persuade me by telling me conspiratorially that it’s the best “English Rose” scent in the shop. I was sold. I’m currently using Origins skincare, and I luurve the facial wash and moisturizer. But hey, I can go back to Neutrogena and Garnier any day, baby.
*Most stylish city (Milan, Paris, London, New York, other)
London, London, London! Don’t believe me? Just hang out at Café Nero or Wasabe on Oxford St or around Notting Hill and tell me what they’re wearing does not blow your mind. Maybe not stylish la, but definitely brave.
*When I was high school I wore?
Oh god, I was a fashion disaster back then! Now pun, it’s just that I have my sister to yell at me. I remembered a certain B.U.M. t-shirt that I used to wear with raspberry shorts..haha!
*Sports?
Jazzercise! And I think I can grow to love Yoga. And I’ve always liked to swim. But I can’t do any of these activities yet, due to my knee and fasting month. But tunggu laa….
*Favorite fashion magazine?
Harper’s Bazaar and InStyle.
*Favorite vacation spot?
London! But I’m dreaming of an island getaway right about now. Four Seasons Langkawi sounds and looks DIVINE. But I’ll settle for Cherating or the coastlines of Terengganu anytime.
*Favorite neighborhood restaurant?
There’s this café that serves pretty good food in Shah Alam, called Naluri Café. It belongs to my dad’s friend and one of the staff there is pure eye candy hehe. Oh, and your neighbourhood Pak Li for its kopitiam fare and your friendly Khalifah for the best and biggest paper thosai.
Let’s see...I wanna tag:
1. The Diva Deen – so he can clear the sawangs from his blog
2. Nerrs – so she can post it on FB
3. Aftotz – so she can update on a more cheery note.
Tagged by Ninie
Don't be rude, I love you madly.
It's up to you, I'll take you gladly.
Love is blind, my vision's hazy.
It didn't take me long to say
I'm in the mood!
- Bette Midler's "In The Mood" -
Omigod, omigod, I was tagged by Ninie to do the Sart interview!!! *hyperventilate*. I’ve read other interviews done by people more interesting than me and was wishing that someone would tag me *like the ditz I can be*..and someone did! Yay! Thanks Ninie!
*Job?
I can barely explain my job to my brother, and you want me to expound its virtues here?! But at least I have a job kan? *Alhamdulillah*
*Best sartorial advice from your parents?
Never wear horizontal stripes..and yet, that was what I was caught on in my old ic photo….in black and white, it just looked nasty!
*Style icons
Sadly enough, and you may have seen it coming, Oprah. It’s prolly the hair and the chunkier-than-thou physique, altho’s I bet she’s a lot fitter than I am.
*Describe your personal style
Classically comfortable. I used to live in comfortable short sleeved shirts and sensible pants. Unfortunately, it has made me look like my mom’s older sister at times, so recently, I’ve been experimenting a little. So, now, my personal style is “belasah aje as long as I look pwetty, pwetty, pwetty…oh, better yet, if my sister praises my outfit”.
*I build my daily look around...
My mood, my hair and who I want to impress that day. Seriously, I am that shallow.
*Personal Style quirk
I love pairing red with black. I think I look good in red :) Besides, it makes me feel a tad sexier. And I’m always on a look out for red heels that are not slutty.
*Favorite designers
I worship the grounds on which the designers for Marks & Spencer walks on. Especially those who look out for chunky but short people like me *shoutout*.
*Most cherished item
1. My beaded black organza kebaya top. Sure fire way to garner compliments and to look uber-elegant at the same time. Especially when you’re stuck at yet another wedding, fielding off questions about your impending one with a plastic smile. Plus, it’s flattering and would *hopefully* never go out of style!
2. My black knitted knee length skirt which I’ve owned since yonks. It has carried me through my clubbing days and now serves me faithfully whenever I need to look good and impress people in the office haha!
3. My one and only pair of coquettish red heels.
5. My tummy-tuckers. ‘Nuff said.
*I feel best wearing?
Something that makes me look good at every angle. Which doesn’t happen often, so, I’m perpetually going “I’ve got nooothinnggg to weeeaarrrr!!* But said kebaya with sarong and a black corset, plus hair and makeup, always manage to lift my spirits, altho’ let’s face it, how often can you get away with that outfit? *rolls eyes*
*The first thing I look at in another Sartorialist’s outfit...
I don’t know any Sartorialists! But through prefects training ten years back, I’ve learnt to look at the whole package to spot if she has her kancing on, if her earrings are the right colour, if her fingernails are short, if her hair is coloured……
*I always break this fashion rule...
Never wear your mom’s clothes. But I wear my mom’s baju kurung ALL the time! They’re nicer than mine! Altho’ that does say something about my mom’s taste and my size…
*I never break this fashion rule...
Kurungs or kebayas for Raya and open houses.
*Never caught wearing?
Hot pants and mini skirts. Want to be blinded or what?
*Most underrated item in menswear/womenswear?
A well-cut blazer/ jacket. In a bad one, you’ll just sport the tenggelam-under-a-kelambu look.
*Dress to impress who?
Who I want to impress? Oh, everyone. Right from corporate figures, to sexy male bosses, to snobby female bosses, to other chunky peers, to the average guy on the street. And my mom wonders why I take so long to get ready in the morning.
*Shine your own shoes?
Couldn’t be bothered. Only when I’m out to impress hehe.
*Favorite stores?
Marks & Spencer, Principles and H&M. Oh you mean, kedai-kedai kat Malaysia? Sorry la, I kan snobbish sikit bab-bab beli baju kat Malaysia nie *said in a Mat Salleh accent*.
*Your next “must have” purchase?
A lovely dress that I’m eyeing in Tangs. It would go very well with a date to an Italian restaurant haha!
*I only buy __________ in Europe.
Everything! And I want more!
*I skimp when buying …
Mascara. Maybelline has some great ones. And facial cleansers. I find that Neutrogena and Eversoft is just as great. But I’m currently hooked on Origins these days *yes, I am luxurious* And, outfits to work out in. I get them at Carrefour, Reject Shop and FOS *yes, I can be sooo cheap!*
*I splurge on…..
Clothes that fit me well and make me look pwetty! Especially evening wear. I just close both eyes when I make the purchase. And undergarments. Especially tummy tuckers. ‘Nuff said.
*Favorite item of clothing
I’ve got an asymmetrical black skirt from Elle that I love to death. It’s got some bulu2 already due to excessive wash. And my cute red top from M&S, which I’m trying to not wear too often.
*Guilty pleasure
Expensive hair care product. Mask from L’Occitane and serums and styling products from salon brands. When you have hair like mine, trust me, they are a worthy investment.
*Perfume, Skincare
Currently, I’m using Paul Smith’s Rose. This was after circling Heathrow’s duty free zone for like, 500 times. Initially I wanted to replace my Daisy by Marc Jacobs which were snatched along back in February. But the promoter managed to persuade me by telling me conspiratorially that it’s the best “English Rose” scent in the shop. I was sold. I’m currently using Origins skincare, and I luurve the facial wash and moisturizer. But hey, I can go back to Neutrogena and Garnier any day, baby.
*Most stylish city (Milan, Paris, London, New York, other)
London, London, London! Don’t believe me? Just hang out at Café Nero or Wasabe on Oxford St or around Notting Hill and tell me what they’re wearing does not blow your mind. Maybe not stylish la, but definitely brave.
*When I was high school I wore?
Oh god, I was a fashion disaster back then! Now pun, it’s just that I have my sister to yell at me. I remembered a certain B.U.M. t-shirt that I used to wear with raspberry shorts..haha!
*Sports?
Jazzercise! And I think I can grow to love Yoga. And I’ve always liked to swim. But I can’t do any of these activities yet, due to my knee and fasting month. But tunggu laa….
*Favorite fashion magazine?
Harper’s Bazaar and InStyle.
*Favorite vacation spot?
London! But I’m dreaming of an island getaway right about now. Four Seasons Langkawi sounds and looks DIVINE. But I’ll settle for Cherating or the coastlines of Terengganu anytime.
*Favorite neighborhood restaurant?
There’s this café that serves pretty good food in Shah Alam, called Naluri Café. It belongs to my dad’s friend and one of the staff there is pure eye candy hehe. Oh, and your neighbourhood Pak Li for its kopitiam fare and your friendly Khalifah for the best and biggest paper thosai.
Let’s see...I wanna tag:
1. The Diva Deen – so he can clear the sawangs from his blog
2. Nerrs – so she can post it on FB
3. Aftotz – so she can update on a more cheery note.
|
Sunday, September 14, 2008 / 9:14 PM
Bibble-babble
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
- Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" -
I always try to post lyrics to some unconventional songs. Not that anyone cared, it's just that i don't like that word. Conventional. But i luuuurve Mr. A-Z. So, there.
I'm fine now. Breathe. I'm accepting a lot of facts. I'm trying to digest some. And, i think....
lately, my days are a little bit more technicoloured.
Tee hee.
I pour my heart out to my BFFs. I don't know why i feel so comfortable with them, and why i find it the utmost importance to tell them everything but at the end of the day, like they said, i should stop over-analysing my relatinships with people. So, i'm just gonna say, thank you dears, i love you guys sooo much. Despite the times you catch me out at trying to fish for compliments hehe.
I hate feeling the way i am feeling lately, but i'm gonna ride this one out. Just enjoy the euphoria while it lasts, eh? Besides, i'm old enough to swallow the consequences later. I think, i hope.
Scooch over to this girl's blog. *No, not my namesake, just a coincidence, i guess.* She makes me laugh. Hard. i like her already. :)
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
- Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" -
I always try to post lyrics to some unconventional songs. Not that anyone cared, it's just that i don't like that word. Conventional. But i luuuurve Mr. A-Z. So, there.
I'm fine now. Breathe. I'm accepting a lot of facts. I'm trying to digest some. And, i think....
lately, my days are a little bit more technicoloured.
Tee hee.
I pour my heart out to my BFFs. I don't know why i feel so comfortable with them, and why i find it the utmost importance to tell them everything but at the end of the day, like they said, i should stop over-analysing my relatinships with people. So, i'm just gonna say, thank you dears, i love you guys sooo much. Despite the times you catch me out at trying to fish for compliments hehe.
I hate feeling the way i am feeling lately, but i'm gonna ride this one out. Just enjoy the euphoria while it lasts, eh? Besides, i'm old enough to swallow the consequences later. I think, i hope.
Scooch over to this girl's blog. *No, not my namesake, just a coincidence, i guess.* She makes me laugh. Hard. i like her already. :)
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Friday, September 12, 2008 / 12:35 AM
And i scrunched my face real tight.
Cause it’s not my time I'm not going
There's a fear in me it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh but I won’t go
- 3 Doors Down's "It's Not My Time" -
Geram, geram, geram!
Why, why, why???????
Hate, hate, hate!
*Wish, wish, wish*
Breathe, breathe, breathe...
Sleep, sleep, sleep.
God, please delay morning for me.
Cause it’s not my time I'm not going
There's a fear in me it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh but I won’t go
- 3 Doors Down's "It's Not My Time" -
Geram, geram, geram!
Why, why, why???????
Hate, hate, hate!
*Wish, wish, wish*
Breathe, breathe, breathe...
Sleep, sleep, sleep.
God, please delay morning for me.
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Thursday, September 11, 2008 / 2:13 PM
Let it slide.
Our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
- Rob Thomas’s “Little Wonders” -
It took me long enough to jump on this Facebook bandwagon. I was actually invited by a friend from my London days mid last year, and I just signed on but did not do much with it, except to keep in touch with said friend. Then I remembered my sister posted on my Wall, saying how kodi this Fb is.
And look what a phenomenon it has been. Amazing.
But what I find most amazing is actually looking through friends of friend’s lists *yes, I am a certified stalker*, and looking up old friends and seeing how they turned out to be. I think my fascination would be towards all these friends or so-called popular people in my primary school.
Back in those days, the good-looking ones (cute, pretty, hunky, etc.) and athletes were stars. Other stars may include prefects, especially if they’ve got a reputation or better yet, also good-looking. And in my school’s case, if you’re in the morning session, you’re pretty popular too. Stars that were secretly idolized by other sheep like me. *Sigh* such was the magnitude of our world back then, and such was the influence of those Sweet Valley Twins series.
I remembered being friends with a few of these stars and was acquainted with some. I definitely was NOT popular *you just have to look at my Std 6 class photo to see that*, but I guess I was lucky enough to befriend some of them and were able to obtain gossips about the rest.
I remembered the head prefect and her posse. The cute Chinese guy and his posse of other cute Chinese friends. I remembered the pretty It-girls and It-guys, some of whom I befriended as well. I remembered cute tuition mates who I never had the guts to speak to. I remembered pretty tuition mates who were friendly and who I used to chat with while waiting for the tuition teacher or ride home.
And they’re all there. In Fb. In colour. And though most have changed, I could still recognize them tho it has been almost 15 years since I last saw them. And, pathetically so, they still retain the “beautiful people” status in my mind. People I would still like/dream to be friends with *because I can be shallow like that and I have not properly grown up yet*.
I wonder if they still remember me. The overweight, timid, shy bespectacled prefect with the billowing skirt and the perpetual curly ponytail *never has, nor never will be a trendsetter, moi*. I think I’m the kind of person who chooses to remember people over facts, sadly enough. I tend to remember faces than to remember certain incidences that have occurred. And names. I tend to remember certain names, but those prolly have connotations to certain events that have happened or a phase in life that I went through.
I wonder what they’re all like now. I wonder, had I stayed on in that suburb, would I have been able to be friends with these people? And would my life turned out differently for me?
Our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
- Rob Thomas’s “Little Wonders” -
It took me long enough to jump on this Facebook bandwagon. I was actually invited by a friend from my London days mid last year, and I just signed on but did not do much with it, except to keep in touch with said friend. Then I remembered my sister posted on my Wall, saying how kodi this Fb is.
And look what a phenomenon it has been. Amazing.
But what I find most amazing is actually looking through friends of friend’s lists *yes, I am a certified stalker*, and looking up old friends and seeing how they turned out to be. I think my fascination would be towards all these friends or so-called popular people in my primary school.
Back in those days, the good-looking ones (cute, pretty, hunky, etc.) and athletes were stars. Other stars may include prefects, especially if they’ve got a reputation or better yet, also good-looking. And in my school’s case, if you’re in the morning session, you’re pretty popular too. Stars that were secretly idolized by other sheep like me. *Sigh* such was the magnitude of our world back then, and such was the influence of those Sweet Valley Twins series.
I remembered being friends with a few of these stars and was acquainted with some. I definitely was NOT popular *you just have to look at my Std 6 class photo to see that*, but I guess I was lucky enough to befriend some of them and were able to obtain gossips about the rest.
I remembered the head prefect and her posse. The cute Chinese guy and his posse of other cute Chinese friends. I remembered the pretty It-girls and It-guys, some of whom I befriended as well. I remembered cute tuition mates who I never had the guts to speak to. I remembered pretty tuition mates who were friendly and who I used to chat with while waiting for the tuition teacher or ride home.
And they’re all there. In Fb. In colour. And though most have changed, I could still recognize them tho it has been almost 15 years since I last saw them. And, pathetically so, they still retain the “beautiful people” status in my mind. People I would still like/dream to be friends with *because I can be shallow like that and I have not properly grown up yet*.
I wonder if they still remember me. The overweight, timid, shy bespectacled prefect with the billowing skirt and the perpetual curly ponytail *never has, nor never will be a trendsetter, moi*. I think I’m the kind of person who chooses to remember people over facts, sadly enough. I tend to remember faces than to remember certain incidences that have occurred. And names. I tend to remember certain names, but those prolly have connotations to certain events that have happened or a phase in life that I went through.
I wonder what they’re all like now. I wonder, had I stayed on in that suburb, would I have been able to be friends with these people? And would my life turned out differently for me?
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Tuesday, September 09, 2008 / 9:54 AM
Anew
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.
- Jon Mclaughlin’s “Beautiful Disaster” -
Yesterday, unbeknownst to me until the very last minute, was actually the last day I took a bus ride to and from the office. And I made it a good and worthwhile one.
I stood and swayed for an hour on my kitten heels, concentrating furiously on Nick Hornby’s “How to Be Good” so as to ignore the ache in my calves and the balls of my feet, while riding on my way to the office. On the way back, I stood patiently for an hour, waiting for the bus home in the fumes-filled underbelly of KL Sentral. And on both ways, I was wedged, albeit not tightly *thank God*, with questionably-odorous individuals, who left warm imprints of themselves on my sleeves.
I think I’ve paid my dues. I don’t really know what this penance is for. Perhaps, I secretly feel guilty that I spent too much time having fun back in uni, with the trusty steed that my parents bestowed me. Perhaps, I feel guilty at not being able to contribute financially to the household or not holding a good enough job to warrant the investment they made to my education. Perhaps, it was just a vague stab at being responsible and being a strong and hardy enough person.
So, this is it. No more queuing up for the bus in the mornings, crossing my fingers, praying hard that I’ll get a seat. No more rushing for seats *the best ones are few and coveted by many due to its guilt-free location, where you’re not obliged to offer to give it up to a person who may deserve it more. Plus, it has better leg room and a view*. .No more inane shows on the tiny telly screen that lately always seemed to be on the blink. No more jostling with after-office-hours crowd. No more choking on fumes. No more 2-hour journey home.
Bottom line: No more standing.
But the thing is, no more RM 2 ride daily. This is big, as it severely enhances the savings for my overseas trips that I can barely afford. No more me-time to read *although, most of the time I always doze off till about 3 quarters of the journey*. No more catching up on sleep on the bus.
Truth is, I have been looking forward to this day in a long time. And I sometimes wonder why I didn’t fight for this sooner.
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.
- Jon Mclaughlin’s “Beautiful Disaster” -
Yesterday, unbeknownst to me until the very last minute, was actually the last day I took a bus ride to and from the office. And I made it a good and worthwhile one.
I stood and swayed for an hour on my kitten heels, concentrating furiously on Nick Hornby’s “How to Be Good” so as to ignore the ache in my calves and the balls of my feet, while riding on my way to the office. On the way back, I stood patiently for an hour, waiting for the bus home in the fumes-filled underbelly of KL Sentral. And on both ways, I was wedged, albeit not tightly *thank God*, with questionably-odorous individuals, who left warm imprints of themselves on my sleeves.
I think I’ve paid my dues. I don’t really know what this penance is for. Perhaps, I secretly feel guilty that I spent too much time having fun back in uni, with the trusty steed that my parents bestowed me. Perhaps, I feel guilty at not being able to contribute financially to the household or not holding a good enough job to warrant the investment they made to my education. Perhaps, it was just a vague stab at being responsible and being a strong and hardy enough person.
So, this is it. No more queuing up for the bus in the mornings, crossing my fingers, praying hard that I’ll get a seat. No more rushing for seats *the best ones are few and coveted by many due to its guilt-free location, where you’re not obliged to offer to give it up to a person who may deserve it more. Plus, it has better leg room and a view*. .No more inane shows on the tiny telly screen that lately always seemed to be on the blink. No more jostling with after-office-hours crowd. No more choking on fumes. No more 2-hour journey home.
Bottom line: No more standing.
But the thing is, no more RM 2 ride daily. This is big, as it severely enhances the savings for my overseas trips that I can barely afford. No more me-time to read *although, most of the time I always doze off till about 3 quarters of the journey*. No more catching up on sleep on the bus.
Truth is, I have been looking forward to this day in a long time. And I sometimes wonder why I didn’t fight for this sooner.
|
Monday, September 08, 2008 / 4:15 PM
Restless but Refreshed.
Blue moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
- Elvis Presley's "Blue Moon" -
Sometimes, i see the lines between my life and my imagination blur. Dang.
I like my new layout. It provides a clear space for my mind to escape from it's own chaos.
Or is it, to escape the chaos that is MY mind?
Blue moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
- Elvis Presley's "Blue Moon" -
Sometimes, i see the lines between my life and my imagination blur. Dang.
I like my new layout. It provides a clear space for my mind to escape from it's own chaos.
Or is it, to escape the chaos that is MY mind?
|
Thursday, September 04, 2008 / 12:53 AM
I soo need a new layout
Who can tell me? I am lost.
I just think that I am strong.
What is love, what is love?
I just want it to be love.
ooooh ooh...
- Matt White's "Love" -
This layout of mine, dramatic as it is, has also its own temperament. Time to search for a new one.
Spurred by my cousin's nagging to update, here I am, at 1 am, updating. A lot has been going on since the accident. I was, at that time, actually chest-deep in organizing a pretty major event. Suffice to say that when the curb-banging incident happened, the first thing that ran through my mind was: damn, what am I going to do about the event??
But, alhamdulillah, I managed. I don't really know how, but things kinda fell into place. I had people who were willing to ferry me around, I had, at my disposal, a car that my cousin loaned me for the weekend, and my parents never found out about said accident. Don't you guys go telling them what happened.
The event? Alhamdulillah, went very, very well. Almost a success, if I do say so myself :p There were tiny glitches of course, and certain things didn't look too right in my eyes, but the feedback garnered post-event was very, very encouraging. Twas worth the sweat and tears poured for the past month. Twas worth all the staying up late and rushing around with documents, and embarrassing myself to get things done.
Twas ALL worth it. And boy, it felt good to just sit back after the event and go over everything that happened that night.
Which led me to make probably a premature conclusion, but as I've mentioned before, this is one hell of a year. I think this is one year, yang if I fall, I'd fall really bad, but when I win, I kinda win big. You get me? Well, seems that way anyway. I wonder what else is in store for me in the coming months. The year is drawing to a close, what else can happen?
I went crazy that day and listen to Sheila on 7's "J.A.P." non-stop in the office. For the whole day. I sincerely hope that my bosses were not listening to the lyrics carefully :p
Other than that, do you know what is the downside to being plus-sized in this country? It's just that, being plus-sized. Thrown in petite, and hey, you're on a first-class ride to depression.
Whenever faced with an event, the one where it would seem more appropriate to NOT dress in your favourite baju kebangsaan, I would start tearing out my curls. One by one. You see, there's a lack of understanding between retailers in Malaysia as to why plus-sized, petite people (classic case: me), do not fit into the clothes made for paper-thin girls with no chest whatsoever.
So, accuse me of being frivolous, but whenever I need to purchase something dressy, I turn to the foreigners. Yes, I do splurge on clothes for events, but hey, that is, unfortunately, the price I pay for not wanting to look like the other person who would be standing next to me.
So, here, shamelessly, I've compiled a list of shops that I go to whenever this need arise. Please be reminded that I do not earn a lot, I'm only a lowly government staff with luxurious needs.
1. Marks & Spencer - Not so much for dressy wear, but great for office wear.
2. Principles - Lovely clothes. Even lovelier price tags. But somehow, whenever I walk in, I always manage to find something on discount.
3. Coast - Purchasing something from this shop would be a dream come true. Just waiting for the right occasion and an all-okay sign from my purse.
4. Robinsons - Nice stuff, and in my size too! But my worry is that some labels might be too mainstream and I'd end up wearing something someone else is wearing at the same occasion...eeekss!
5. Tangs - Surprisingly, lovely, lovely clothes! This is gonna be a new haunt for me :)
6. Dorothy Perkins - This is not so much on my list because sometimes their items are not so cute, and sometimes, don't fit very well. But I've gotten some nice pants here, so there may be hope yet.
But for the event that I handled the other day, I managed to grab something from Melinda Looi that seemed to just be hanging, waiting for me. In my size. What are the odds? Considering, that was one of the very few items that she has in UK sizes. I was blessed. My purse, not so.
Ee, dah la tu, banyak pulak cerita.
Who can tell me? I am lost.
I just think that I am strong.
What is love, what is love?
I just want it to be love.
ooooh ooh...
- Matt White's "Love" -
This layout of mine, dramatic as it is, has also its own temperament. Time to search for a new one.
Spurred by my cousin's nagging to update, here I am, at 1 am, updating. A lot has been going on since the accident. I was, at that time, actually chest-deep in organizing a pretty major event. Suffice to say that when the curb-banging incident happened, the first thing that ran through my mind was: damn, what am I going to do about the event??
But, alhamdulillah, I managed. I don't really know how, but things kinda fell into place. I had people who were willing to ferry me around, I had, at my disposal, a car that my cousin loaned me for the weekend, and my parents never found out about said accident. Don't you guys go telling them what happened.
The event? Alhamdulillah, went very, very well. Almost a success, if I do say so myself :p There were tiny glitches of course, and certain things didn't look too right in my eyes, but the feedback garnered post-event was very, very encouraging. Twas worth the sweat and tears poured for the past month. Twas worth all the staying up late and rushing around with documents, and embarrassing myself to get things done.
Twas ALL worth it. And boy, it felt good to just sit back after the event and go over everything that happened that night.
Which led me to make probably a premature conclusion, but as I've mentioned before, this is one hell of a year. I think this is one year, yang if I fall, I'd fall really bad, but when I win, I kinda win big. You get me? Well, seems that way anyway. I wonder what else is in store for me in the coming months. The year is drawing to a close, what else can happen?
I went crazy that day and listen to Sheila on 7's "J.A.P." non-stop in the office. For the whole day. I sincerely hope that my bosses were not listening to the lyrics carefully :p
Other than that, do you know what is the downside to being plus-sized in this country? It's just that, being plus-sized. Thrown in petite, and hey, you're on a first-class ride to depression.
Whenever faced with an event, the one where it would seem more appropriate to NOT dress in your favourite baju kebangsaan, I would start tearing out my curls. One by one. You see, there's a lack of understanding between retailers in Malaysia as to why plus-sized, petite people (classic case: me), do not fit into the clothes made for paper-thin girls with no chest whatsoever.
So, accuse me of being frivolous, but whenever I need to purchase something dressy, I turn to the foreigners. Yes, I do splurge on clothes for events, but hey, that is, unfortunately, the price I pay for not wanting to look like the other person who would be standing next to me.
So, here, shamelessly, I've compiled a list of shops that I go to whenever this need arise. Please be reminded that I do not earn a lot, I'm only a lowly government staff with luxurious needs.
1. Marks & Spencer - Not so much for dressy wear, but great for office wear.
2. Principles - Lovely clothes. Even lovelier price tags. But somehow, whenever I walk in, I always manage to find something on discount.
3. Coast - Purchasing something from this shop would be a dream come true. Just waiting for the right occasion and an all-okay sign from my purse.
4. Robinsons - Nice stuff, and in my size too! But my worry is that some labels might be too mainstream and I'd end up wearing something someone else is wearing at the same occasion...eeekss!
5. Tangs - Surprisingly, lovely, lovely clothes! This is gonna be a new haunt for me :)
6. Dorothy Perkins - This is not so much on my list because sometimes their items are not so cute, and sometimes, don't fit very well. But I've gotten some nice pants here, so there may be hope yet.
But for the event that I handled the other day, I managed to grab something from Melinda Looi that seemed to just be hanging, waiting for me. In my size. What are the odds? Considering, that was one of the very few items that she has in UK sizes. I was blessed. My purse, not so.
Ee, dah la tu, banyak pulak cerita.
|
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