I hate to loathe

Gray skies are gonna clear up,
Put on a happy face;
Brush off the clouds and cheer up,
Put on a happy face.
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,
It's not your style;
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
Ya' decide to smile!

- "Put On A Happy Face" OST Bye Bye Birdie -

That yummy rice with curry didn't even managed to lift the heaviness that has set in. The Prince Caspian outing and the sumptuous sushi lunch with the best of companies remained as distant memories.

The cloud of depression still hovers.

Dammit, there's gotta be a silver lining (however cliched) that I can cling on to for my dear life.

Just hope and pray for the best.

And try to put on that happy face.

I do apologize.

I'm sorry i'm bad, i'm sorry i'm blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say i'm sorry.

- Buckcherry's "Sorry" -

I now know, in my own little way of understanding, how easy it is to fall into the cradle of needing a psychiatrist of your own: It is when you feel no one else would be able to understand how you feel, or to validate your justifications and when you have never felt so alone in your life before.

I now understand why we exists in pairs and i hope that my optimism in this belief will serve me well throughout my living years.

I truly think this is a surprising year for me. Where i predict more turning points are to come. Or not. I may be done with predicting and might actually go with the flow this time.

Watching Oprah too much lately has made me wiser of two things that I also hope to carry out throughout life:

1. To be significant in life and to others. Which I hope to also couple with being successful in life.

2. To not worry about things that may or may not happen in the future. I like the Jim Carrey clip where he tells about worrying what this other guy might say and how he planned to retaliates with his comments, when he realised that it is actually just imagined scenarios in his mind. It is time and energy consuming, and seems like the beginnings of fitnah to me, so I vow to erase all that poison from my mind.

Sometimes, we get clouded by all these thoughts in our heads (just like the current RHB ad, can u tell I'm still glued to the idiot box?), that we tend to overlook the simplicity of a situation. Things like "what would people think?" for me is still a hurdle, no matter how much i think i don't really care. I should really take the time to look at things objectively, try not to get too emotional and try to see and ACCEPT the brighter side of things.

*sight* Easier said than done.

Thank God for wonderful people who would crop out of nowhere and are willing enough to share a tiny piece of their life with me.

And thank God too for hardy parents, who are up to their ears with construction matters that should not even involved them, but since they seem to take full ownership and seemed to rejoice at the ideas of traveling to out of the way, dusty hardware stores, I allow them too. I'm just there for the car ride haha.

My knee is healing well, and although it is not as strong yet, I am also grateful that this time, I'm able to enjoy all the rehab session that I can get. It is a definite improvement and seeing the knee gain its strength after each session is enough to put an extra spring in my step. But naik turun tangga still senget-senget la. But that's not gonna stop me from going to the movies tomorrow with the Double Is!

And I do apologize for being blue. Maybe I'll turn a shade sunnier next week.