Heavy and melancholy does not mix well.

I only want what's the best thing for you
And the best thing for you would be me
I've been convinced
After thinking it through that the best thing for you would be me

- Diana Krall’s “The Best Thing For You” -

In this day and age, I wonder how much thought is being given to filial piety. According to wiki (my second best friend after goo-the-gle and comes real close to my affliction to youtubie), filial piety translates to a love and respect for one's parents and ancestors. I came across this phrase, as I’m sure most of us did, while studying Confucianism in our secondary school years. Although it has never been a conscious thought process, our upbringing more or less shapes our piety. For the malays/muslims, one of the things that we were taught when we were young was to salam and kiss the hands of elders as a sign of respect. I’m not very sure about the others though, but I seem to remember watching Cantonese serials where whenever a character is eating, they would invite the rest to eat with them as well, which translates, for me, the respect for others. I learnt this too, when once I was supposed to be in my mengaji class at home in the living room, but I was late and was having dinner first, and my mom sharply asked me to invite my ustazah to eat as well. I was like, for what?? But I did, and like every polite person I’ve ever encountered, she said thank you and please go ahead. When my mom asked her the same thing after that while she was having dinner, I was like, kan dia kata tak nak, but that was prolly when I realize that that was a sign of respect.

I sometimes wondered, about how this respect/ filial piety translate in this day and age. Not everyone is able to stay with and take care of their parents these days. Many are forced to live in the city due to work demands. Most are busy with their own due concerns rather than to accompany or to spend quality time with their elders. And, how does filial piety translates in the Noughties? Monetary obligations? Joint-vacations? Birthday and anniversary celebrations in the newest restaurants in towns?

I don’t know about you guys, but here’s my traditional 2 cents take on this matter:

I am very, very fortunate (well, to each his/her own) to be living with my parents so other than being able to do certain things for them as meager returns for what they’ve done to me, well, at least I can say that I am/will always be around when they need me. Be it for a short trip to the grocers or to read some fine print for them. Then again, I basically have no life, so it works for both parties here.

However, I believe in the concept of return-on-investment (ROI) when it comes to parenting. Sure, our love is boundless and love *kononnya* means expecting nothing in return. But I am human, and I believe in reaping what I sow. I see it as a law of nature and in Islam, patience is the very virtue that begets results. So, if my parents have been sacrificing what have you for us when we were growing up, it is only just that I do the same for them, within my capacity, of course.

I see some parents investing time and money on their offsprings, often times sacrificing their own personal pleasure. And I wonder, what is going to happen in 20 years’ time? Will the kid still be around for them? Will the kid be able to care for them as well as they did for him when they were younger? Will it all be worth it in the end?

I have a friend, who was a state athlete during our teenage years. She did sacrifice a lot in trying to balance her studies, social schedule and maintaining her athletic career. So did her mom. I heard tales of her accompanying my friend to 3 am practices, and constant rushing and ferrying around between school, tuition classes, ballet lessons, not to mention the amount of money poured into taking care this one friend of mine. Last I heard of her, she has gotten married to a foreigner and opts to settle down overseas. Maybe I’m traditional, wait, make that waaay too traditional. But, after all that, as a mom, I would prolly feel a teensy weensy bit hurt that my only daughter has chosen a life so far away from me. And, no amount of money, could take that tiny bit of hurt away. Oh sure I’m happy to see her all settled with a good husband, and earning a great paycheck, and sure I’ll have a place to stay whenever I’m abroad. But back home, that teensy weensy bit of hurt will remain like a tiny scar.

I grew up with a few friends who had their grandparents staying with them. These friends are still staying with their parents, or, if already married and staying on their own, are at the very least within driving distances and are never really away. I myself had my maternal grandfather with me during my childhood days, and my paternal grandma was but a half hour’s drive’s away. My parents had it easy, I guess. Which prolly, karma wise, explains why my brother and sister have never been away while I was away, and why I’m still here with them.

Or maybe this is all just me. I don’t know. Maybe other people out there are okay with the whole idea of having their kids away (physically and emotionally) for the larger part of their adult life. Maybe it’s because they left their parents too when they were younger, so now they would have to contend with their offsprings being away from them too. Maybe some people are taken with the idea of only being back home for Christmas, like the oreng-oreng puteh. But then again, Bridget Jones did go back home to see her mom regularly. So did Sophie Kinsella’s shopaholic. But look at what dysfunctional characters they are.

Then again, there are parents who can’t wait for their kids to leave home. Hmm, gotta check with my mom on this one.

I wonder why I’m rambling on and on about this. I guess it reminded me of the filial piety concept. I’m not trying to be righteous or saintly here, God knows I’m far from that. It’s just the fact that there are so many people out there who chose to not be near/ close (be it physically or emotionally) to their parental units, and reading about them, kinda makes me think about this and to wonder where or how does filial piety fits in, in this day and age. Just my 2 cents take. Plus, I've nothing to do this morning due to my change of portfolio haha.

Anyhoo, I’m looooving Last.fm. I’ve been listening to cool, soothing sounds from the Michael Buble tag since I switched the pc on this morning. Unfortunately, there’s plenty of Christmas tunes thrown in as well, prompting me to think, these oldies schmoldies people nie only known for their Christmas renditions je ke?

Let me leave with a lighter note. If anyone ever goes to Pappa Kopitiam in Kota Damansara, please tell me you that you think the used uncang tehs that they have framed up against their wall does not remind you of muddy white boxers. I was either high on yoga or organic soya milk that night.