Heavy and melancholy does not mix well.

I only want what's the best thing for you
And the best thing for you would be me
I've been convinced
After thinking it through that the best thing for you would be me

- Diana Krall’s “The Best Thing For You” -

In this day and age, I wonder how much thought is being given to filial piety. According to wiki (my second best friend after goo-the-gle and comes real close to my affliction to youtubie), filial piety translates to a love and respect for one's parents and ancestors. I came across this phrase, as I’m sure most of us did, while studying Confucianism in our secondary school years. Although it has never been a conscious thought process, our upbringing more or less shapes our piety. For the malays/muslims, one of the things that we were taught when we were young was to salam and kiss the hands of elders as a sign of respect. I’m not very sure about the others though, but I seem to remember watching Cantonese serials where whenever a character is eating, they would invite the rest to eat with them as well, which translates, for me, the respect for others. I learnt this too, when once I was supposed to be in my mengaji class at home in the living room, but I was late and was having dinner first, and my mom sharply asked me to invite my ustazah to eat as well. I was like, for what?? But I did, and like every polite person I’ve ever encountered, she said thank you and please go ahead. When my mom asked her the same thing after that while she was having dinner, I was like, kan dia kata tak nak, but that was prolly when I realize that that was a sign of respect.

I sometimes wondered, about how this respect/ filial piety translate in this day and age. Not everyone is able to stay with and take care of their parents these days. Many are forced to live in the city due to work demands. Most are busy with their own due concerns rather than to accompany or to spend quality time with their elders. And, how does filial piety translates in the Noughties? Monetary obligations? Joint-vacations? Birthday and anniversary celebrations in the newest restaurants in towns?

I don’t know about you guys, but here’s my traditional 2 cents take on this matter:

I am very, very fortunate (well, to each his/her own) to be living with my parents so other than being able to do certain things for them as meager returns for what they’ve done to me, well, at least I can say that I am/will always be around when they need me. Be it for a short trip to the grocers or to read some fine print for them. Then again, I basically have no life, so it works for both parties here.

However, I believe in the concept of return-on-investment (ROI) when it comes to parenting. Sure, our love is boundless and love *kononnya* means expecting nothing in return. But I am human, and I believe in reaping what I sow. I see it as a law of nature and in Islam, patience is the very virtue that begets results. So, if my parents have been sacrificing what have you for us when we were growing up, it is only just that I do the same for them, within my capacity, of course.

I see some parents investing time and money on their offsprings, often times sacrificing their own personal pleasure. And I wonder, what is going to happen in 20 years’ time? Will the kid still be around for them? Will the kid be able to care for them as well as they did for him when they were younger? Will it all be worth it in the end?

I have a friend, who was a state athlete during our teenage years. She did sacrifice a lot in trying to balance her studies, social schedule and maintaining her athletic career. So did her mom. I heard tales of her accompanying my friend to 3 am practices, and constant rushing and ferrying around between school, tuition classes, ballet lessons, not to mention the amount of money poured into taking care this one friend of mine. Last I heard of her, she has gotten married to a foreigner and opts to settle down overseas. Maybe I’m traditional, wait, make that waaay too traditional. But, after all that, as a mom, I would prolly feel a teensy weensy bit hurt that my only daughter has chosen a life so far away from me. And, no amount of money, could take that tiny bit of hurt away. Oh sure I’m happy to see her all settled with a good husband, and earning a great paycheck, and sure I’ll have a place to stay whenever I’m abroad. But back home, that teensy weensy bit of hurt will remain like a tiny scar.

I grew up with a few friends who had their grandparents staying with them. These friends are still staying with their parents, or, if already married and staying on their own, are at the very least within driving distances and are never really away. I myself had my maternal grandfather with me during my childhood days, and my paternal grandma was but a half hour’s drive’s away. My parents had it easy, I guess. Which prolly, karma wise, explains why my brother and sister have never been away while I was away, and why I’m still here with them.

Or maybe this is all just me. I don’t know. Maybe other people out there are okay with the whole idea of having their kids away (physically and emotionally) for the larger part of their adult life. Maybe it’s because they left their parents too when they were younger, so now they would have to contend with their offsprings being away from them too. Maybe some people are taken with the idea of only being back home for Christmas, like the oreng-oreng puteh. But then again, Bridget Jones did go back home to see her mom regularly. So did Sophie Kinsella’s shopaholic. But look at what dysfunctional characters they are.

Then again, there are parents who can’t wait for their kids to leave home. Hmm, gotta check with my mom on this one.

I wonder why I’m rambling on and on about this. I guess it reminded me of the filial piety concept. I’m not trying to be righteous or saintly here, God knows I’m far from that. It’s just the fact that there are so many people out there who chose to not be near/ close (be it physically or emotionally) to their parental units, and reading about them, kinda makes me think about this and to wonder where or how does filial piety fits in, in this day and age. Just my 2 cents take. Plus, I've nothing to do this morning due to my change of portfolio haha.

Anyhoo, I’m looooving Last.fm. I’ve been listening to cool, soothing sounds from the Michael Buble tag since I switched the pc on this morning. Unfortunately, there’s plenty of Christmas tunes thrown in as well, prompting me to think, these oldies schmoldies people nie only known for their Christmas renditions je ke?

Let me leave with a lighter note. If anyone ever goes to Pappa Kopitiam in Kota Damansara, please tell me you that you think the used uncang tehs that they have framed up against their wall does not remind you of muddy white boxers. I was either high on yoga or organic soya milk that night.

Boo you !

And all of your weight
All you dream
Falls on me it falls on me
And your beautiful sky
The light you bring
Falls on me it falls on me

- Fuel’s “Falls on Me” -

I hate being broke. *sigh*

Unfortunately, this is prolly the state I’ll be in for the rest of the year.

Well, blame it on the insatiable need to travel and see things I have seen and want to see again. Or better yet, newer, newer things..whee!

But I should be grateful that I’m paid enough to pay all my debts monthly with a teensy bit left over for tiny, tiny indulgences. Alhamdulillah.

Unfortunately, being broke does beget the biggest question of the month…

Should I, or should I not purchase the cute table lamp in SSF?

It’s prolly worth 5 days’ lunches, but it would soo fit into my room, and face it, reading in bed with the overhead lights is pretty annoying after over 20 years. Plus, these things, they don’t stay in the shop’s inventory for too long. Look at the coveted British india lamp..the only piece left in the entire country is in the one store in SA. Last time I checked. And nope, the design that I wanted have long gone.

To buy or not to buy…

On a cheerier/ ceria note, I am on LEAVE! Yahoo! I’mma gonna get my errands done this morning (only the shoes to be repaired and the compact purchase with my Jusco voucher left to be done, and maybe the table lamp teehee) and then it’s on to a blissfully lazy afternoon where I’m planning to stretch in front of the telly and watch nonsense!

Lalalala…..

Ooh, fyi, Intan’s studio, Studio W is having an open week this whole week and anyone can come for any trial classes as many times as they want this week FOC (free-of-any charges)! Surf over to their website for further details!

You made my day you did!


Hey, Dia tengok kita,
Hey, Dia jeling mata,
Aduh mak senyum lagi,
Amboi nona manis sekali

- Salih Yaacob’s “Dia Malu Malu“ -

Well, in my case, that would be my dashing Mr Robinson *giggles*. I silently thank my lucky stars for providing me insights on my cute outfit today haha! I do think he needs a haircut, although, *sigh* I just love the way his hair flops down his forehead.

*snaps back to reality*

I wonder why is it that some of the corp sector people that I’ve met up with think it’s unusual for a govt servant to have good English. What, are we all supposed to go “That’s means…” or “The because is…” at the start of every sentence? Is that what people out there are thinking of us?? Have they not looked through some high-flying corporate giant’s *a Malaysian oil giant* employees’ websites, blogs and most of all, photopages?????????? Gawddd!

Yesterday, for the second time in the history of my employment here, I was unable to start my car. In the open-air parking lot. On my way to Jazzercise and Yoga, yang ended up NON ADO. Thanks to Mr Bumblebee and Mr Spicy Tomyam, (again, who came to my rescue) who are quite deft with wrenches and spanners, I managed to get home safely. *sigh* kalau kat tempat lain, boleh dapat kawan-kawan camni ke?

Tell me why...

But you wash over me
you wash over me like rain
and you wash over me
you wash over me like sunshine

- Lifehouse’s “Wash” –


I met someone from my past last weekend. And suddenly, funny but poignant memories wash over me:

- I remembered how I memorized the entire first verse of the song Ishq from the Hindi movie “ Ishq” just by listening to this person sang it everyday for a week

- I was reminded by the embarrassing fact that I went around uni in my big t-shirt, raspberry shorts and sneakers without socks, thinking what a cool santai look that was *haha!*

- I remembered the afternoon jaunts to KLCC to pretend that we are a part of the Arabic shopping community.

- I laughed hard at the memory of how we used to borrow our friend’s ancient car which needed only our house/room key to get started. And how we couldn’t climb a small hill in a particularly creepy area of town in that car, in the middle of the night, 2 grown *and big girls* shivering as our backseat passengers while my co-driver and I switched seats. And how we got really scared when we found out that the car was not at the parking lot when we wanted to borrow it, not knowing that my friend’s brother’s friends have whisked it away as a prank. I don’t really remember using the car to do anything really significantly important, except to satisfy our itchy feet and tummy for 7-11 fare or Ramly burgers.

- I remembered the orangey lipstick, and the black backpack.

- I remembered the wild rides, and the midnight cheesecake in a Malaccan hotel on Valentine’s Day.

- I remembered how I used to pester certain IT students when they were supposed to be studying hehe.

- I was regaled by the tales of a car chase that happened during the uni’s vicinity that I was unable to partake in.

- I remembered singing Backstreet Boy’s “I Want It That Way” at the top of our lungs as we walked back from eating dinner at the resident warong, our voices amplified under the tunnel.

- I remembered my first lesson on riding a motorbike that happened on the night a person decided to commit suicide by jumping off the 10th floor of the boy’s apartment building. But of course, he chickened out *gilo apo*

*sigh* those were some fun times.

Thanks to those who made it that Saturday afternoon, invited or non-invited, expected and non-expected. You guys made my day :)

Like falling into an abyss

She spends her days up in the north park,
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just a little piece of
This dream, is that too much to ask
With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a
quiet little street
All she wants is just that something to
Hold onto, that’s all she needs

- 3 Doors Down's "Be Like That" -

I know that sometimes we're way up there, and at other times, we're way down below, but I'm finding it hard coping with being down here.

Which sometimes brings me to ponder on why I care so much, why I bother, and why sometimes things are the way they are. If you don't care, you don't have the right to run down people who don't care enough. But if you do care, you reserve the right to feel sad and hurt at injustices.

That is my stand for the day.

Maybe the AVP Big Apple donut was a wise investment after all.

You're It!

And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be

- Matchbox Twenty's "The Difference" -

I was actually tagged by Che Sabbs (yang dah semakin kurus tu, you go girl!) a few weeks back, but recent events and some, kinda stalled it. So here goes, 5 random things about me that you guys might not know about. That crosses my mind at this time la.

1. I sleep on my side. Which is nothing special pun la kan, since 1 out of 2 person out there does that. But, when I’m on my side, I’ll cover myself up with a blanket, ensuring that I COVER my ears. How’s about that huh? Anyone you know who does that? I don’t think so babeh! *snaps fingers twice*. Actually this habit came about during my uni years. After watching the movie “The Others”, the part where Nicole Kidman’s son lay on his side, squeezed his eyes shut and his sister was asking their imaginary friend/ghost to touch him, and suddenly it seems there’s a hand that was gonna touch his face…scarrryyyyy!!!!!!!!!

2. I went to China last year! I never thought that I would even dip a toe on its soil since the country has never been on my must-see list, but I was very fortunate enough to go on a work trip. I visited Shanghai, Beijing and Guangzhou and although most of the time was spent in the hotel working, I managed to see a bit of Shanghai, which is my favourite city among the 3 due to its gigantic skyscrapers and the cosmopolitan ambience. And the Bund! C’est tres belle, especially at nights when the buildings are all lit up. Ooh, and the almost alien-looking Pearl Tower. Strange yet so mesmerizing hehe. I managed to see the Tiannanmen Square and Chairman Mao’s picture on a slow-moving bus in Beijing, and in Guangzhou, I only managed to see the construction of a massive exhibition centre at the city’s outskirts. But twas a very, very good trip, alhamdulillah. Pics-wise:

The cool Pearl Tower:



A verrry blurry Bund at night *I suck at photo-taking with my sis's digicam*:





They've even got a Hooters in Shanghai:



Who wants some Pizza on wheels?



I wonder if they give discounts for speedy delivery, teehee.

3. I have double-jointed thumbs. That means I can bend my thumbsbackwards, wanna see? I discovered that not everyone could bend back their thumbs in agama primary school and was quite chuffed. Didn’t really cross my mind till a few days ago, when Miss Pacina pointed it out to me during our KFC lunch *macamane nak kurus kalo makan KFC??????!!!!!*.

4. I had multiple adolescent crushes because I was worried that people think I might start liking girls since I went to an all-girls secondary school! Haha! I had crushes on my tuition mates, on my neighbour *on hindsight, mega-EWWWWW!* and boys on my school-busses. *sigh* Man, was I dumb.

5. Unfortunately my current tastes in men is as weird as ever; Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay, Alan Rickman, Simon Cowell, Grissom on CSI Vegas and the guy that play’s Claire’s dad on Heroes *sexaayyy!!!*. What’s wrong with me?

Tada!

Anyhoo, I’ll be meeting up with my celeb bloggers, I.R.A mommy-of-Mia and the ever-amusing Nerrs for Coffee in Subang tomorrow evening with the Nonz and her family. The Totz might be making an appearance, but likely not, so if anyone wants to join us, you’re welcome!

Easy does it.

But baby I gotta get through
Crumb by crumb in this big black forest
Maybe in you I'll believe
Maybe I'll believe in you

- Rufus Wainwright’s “Crumb by Crumb” –

The past 2 weeks have been punctuated by major downs and minor ups. My grandmother passed away exactly 3 months after my cousin did and I was involved in an unsavory snatch thief incident just last week. I am currently a former owner of ids, mobile phone, makeup, Marc Jacob's Daisy perfume, a lovely telekung and a trusty Harrod's carrier.

Which explains to some why I am inaccessible. I still am though, and should there be a pressing need to get in touch, you may call home. Mine, that is. Maybe that’s not such a good idea since even my best friends don’t have my home phone number. Well, email me then. Or leave a message in the comment box, or send me a pigeon. On second thought, don't. I’ve just washed my car. Or do like what the Totz did. Called my office with a slight hesitant voice and proceeded to scream at me for not being accessible.

On my late grandmother, well, she was nearly 90, and have been kinda on the decline. Not physically as she doesn't have any major illnesses, but her mind has been slow these past few years. She doesn't remember things or names as well and she has had problems with certain movements. We've accomodated her these past few years, making sure she has what she needs and is comfortable most of the time, but unfortunately, she's no longer the sprightly woman with a shrilly voice that she once was. Just a shadow of her former self. And that Tuesday morning, she departed from the world quietly with her daughter by her side. The sight of all her children, cucus and friends crying while kissing her for the very last time was heart-breaking. She was very much loved by all, and we shall miss her so. I just can't imagine what going back to kampung will be like. Will we even go back?

I have no inclination to write about what happened to me re: snatch-thieved. Suffice to say, thanks be to the Almighty God, I am safe. Wounded pride and two blueberry knees, but otherwise fine. And unfortunately, am constantly in a retrospective mood with emphasis on past sins. But methinks I’ll snap out of it soon. I think i need the atonement, so this coming 4-day break might help. Thanks very much too to the newlywed cousin and hubby who took care of me that night. Did I mention I heart you two long time? Big props from me, maybe I’ll bake a cake or something in return for what you guys did that night. But don’t count on it much, I’d most prolly buy something and get them delivered to you instead.

Otherwise, my minor ups consists of turning vengt-huit. Yup, the exact number I want my first car number plate to be. Not that I see it happening soon, the first car that is. No big bashes this year, compared to the lovely one last year. I kinda expected it tho, besides I was too busy kepoh-ing at a cousin’s wedding reception. But lovely, lovely waves of wishes via my now-absent mobile. Dang, I loved that mobile of mine. *sniffs*

However, I loved the presents that I got. Kinda sets the mood/path that I aim to be on this year. A cake recipe book from the hot mama at work and a yoga mat from Intan. And, I’m getting a lovely coveted photo frame from my brother. There you go; this year I’m gonna concentrate on being culinary and fit and remodeling my bedroom. Woo, big ambitions.

Ooh, and did I mention I got one of the best birthday presents ever? A chance to watch THE Sheila Majid in Concert! (I don’t care if you two newlyweds think I perasan benda tu birthday present, but I nak perasan jugak :p). She was awesome, awesome, awesome! Lovely vocals, performance, outfits, Christian Louboutin shoes, entourage, such a lovely night, despite the earlier tragedy. God is Great with his Ways, isn’t He? So where can I bag an Acis lookalike/wannabe husband to play me songs on the piano, give me a huge hug and a sloppy kiss after I belt out a finale? Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m no diva, and with my makeup purse whisked away by those f***ing bastards, I’m no looker either. *sigh*

Have a great 4 days break, don’t we all deserve it? Unfortunately I’ll be manning my mom’s shop, but you guys are welcomed to stop over to break the monotony of staring at her purple walls.

Also, Happy Chinese New Year folks. I’d love to be a part of a big, yummy reunion dinner tonight, but I think it’ll most prolly just be tuna sandwiches.