Relakanlah saja ini

Hadapi dengan senyuman
Semua yang terjadi
Biar terjadi .
Hadapi dengan tenang jiwa
Semua... Kan baik baik saja

- Dewa’s "Hadapi Dengan Senyuman" -

I have always relied on the kindness of strangers. I find that, in that department, they hardly ever disappoint. I know that a smile will usually be exchanged, a salam will be returned, and kind and even heartwarming, comical words will be exchanged. It just fits nicely into this perfect, idealistic world that I crave.

But kindness from the people you love? That is a hit or miss thing. Sometimes, when it hits, it’s the best thing in the world. When it misses, it hurts like anything. It reduces you to a bitter person, where you vow to have your revenge and seek to isolate yourself from all the cruelty of the world.

When you have rows with your loved ones, it hurts even more, because in my case, I expect them to know me better. You should know me well enough to know my intentions, and not blindly think up one of your own, and stick resolutely to it, no matter how hard I try to explain. You should try to listen once in a while, or better yet, put yourself in my shoes. The very one that tries to accomodate to your every need whenever you call upon it. It hurts when the person you’re having rows with, never seems to listen, and prolly, it’s just my luck that my occasional once-in-a-blue-moon rows are always, with stubborn people, who never listens. What more, try to understand. God forbid, listen.

I hate the fact that as eloculent as I think I am when it comes to writing, I can never seem to justify what I think in words, which rendered me a helpless being, fickle and a tad neurotic. Let me tell you, neurotic does not even begin to explain me. I take pride in my being an unconventional person. I guess what I did not take into account is how hard for other normal beings to understand me.

Which is why, I tend to just shut myself off. Because the only other person who knows me so well, and understands my intentions, is myself.

And perfect strangers.