Insatiable

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitionsFeel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

- Natasha Bedingfield’s "Unwritten" -

I was listening to this song this morning, and had just finished reading my archives on the last few days before leaving London...I miss London! There, I’ve said it, and altho’ I’m grateful to be back home, but there are times when I wish I had stayed back and I dunno, busked in the tube stations to earn a living or something :p Totally, totally impractical, and totally, totally un-me, so, I guess that thought never crossed my head, up till about a few seconds ago. Hence, the current state of my mind: confused, with no proper agenda.

Confusion is acceptable, when there are tangible situations to handle in hand, but confusion with some things which may or may not materialise, hence have no proper agenda is just..i guess, dumb? There’s too much what-ifs scenarios in my head, so much so that I find myself staring out of the Komuter windows thinking about them more often than burying my nose in between the pages of Sophie’s World *which, btw, like the fluffy floozy I can be, I find really, really dry* on the way home from work. It came to a point when I noticed my forehead, reflected in a consultant’s car’s rear-view mirror, having a seemingly un-erasable tiny but still significant, etch. Yucks. The etch is making its appearance already? I’m way off the semi-big three-oh, and already I have an etch?? This etch has got to go. If left to its own devices, this etch will create its own colony of long, deep crevices, many, many nooks and crannies, and God forbid, its own suicidal cliff.

*sigh* I think I need a break, and I am going to get a break soon. Early next month, there’s a seat on the Air Asia plane bound to Bangkok with my name on it *well, not really, but if I happen to be carrying a pen, I might just...*. However, my parents and relatives are going, "Ru sure u wanna go? Ru sure, ru sure??" all because of the darned riots that’s supposed to contain 50-60,000 participants..that’s a whole lotta people, y’all! Unfortunately, i’ve not been following the news *model citizen I am* so i’m not able to judge the severity of the situation myself. An uncle has suggested that I register myself with Wisma Putra, just in case anything *God forbid* happens, well, then they’ll at least have a record of me. The thing is, I am so not involved in the preparations of this trip, as I thought I’m just going for the ride, but I guess I better get my itinerary properly and plan my journey carefully. I did wonder tho, what happens if they suddenly declared an Emergency, and no one’s allowed to leave? Will we be awarded immunity as we’re all tourists? Should I be setting aside some more moolah just in case I need to purchase last-minute tickets back home?? Not to mention, scenes from the movie Brokedown Palace started to flash before me, what if i’m not careful with my bagages, like those girls?? *see the what-ifs scenarios I come up with? no wonder the etch decided to make an appearance* Shee, even my break needs another break.

Oh, and to add another reason why I left my previous workplace? The demonic drivers operating around that area. Went back to that area to run an errand for my dad during my lunchtime earlier on, and one cabbie drove by and knocked my handbag which I had hanging on my shoulder, so imagine how close he was. And this bright red 4-wheeler drove like less than 5 inches away from my toes. Please! Take away my toes, please! I don’t need them, but apparently you do to notch up the number of toes you’ve lanyak-ed over the years! No, no go ahead, have them! Frogs don’t have them, and they survived!

*Grumble, grumble*

It was a good thing then that I ventured off to look for the famous Bakin’ Boys kiosk in KLCC and had their Milkman Meltdown cookie, then I had a lunch of the spinach and cheese pie at the stall in front of Burger King. Yummy food always calms me down. But, note the choices of food? Millie’s Cookies and those onion and cheese pasties comes to mind.

*sigh* I miss you too.