Woe is me.

Find yourself another soul to hold
You think, you thought, I know
Off upon my journey I must go
To where the river flows

- Collective Soul’s “Where The River Flows” -

I realized that turning 25 is not just turning another page in the calendar, or turning to another page in the diary….

It also involves “turns” to your body…a sign that says, evolution is taking place, get outta the way!

Right now, and has been for the past few weeks, I have been experiencing “things” with my body…as of this moment, I break into rashes, or itchy bumps the size of a 20 cent coin, which itches like mad, thus turning me into one scratchy monkey (or goat, if you’re gonna be fussy about your Chinese horoscope)…seriously…at one point I thought it was just normal rashes, fungal infection or allergies, so I went to the doctor and told him my predicament…he prescribed some medicine which I religiously took, some cream which I obsessively applied and medical leave, which was not utilized to its maximum capacity, as I was scratching madly the whole day….

I blamed the corset I wore to slim me down to Jessica Rabbit’s proportions, but after 2 weeks of going without them, I’m still having sleepless nights, scratching for what its worth….I blamed the soap I used, and changed to a more medicated one, and still, I break out…I tried to blame the food I took…I blamed it on the avocado, the nuts, the chicken, the fish..most everything…..so I fasted yesterday…everything went fine, and I went…well! You’re allright now girly! But after breaking the fast with Meehoon Soto from my friendly soto store, I break out…..and today, I skipped breakfast, and had 3 pieces of bakery products and a bag of papayas, and I can already see 20 cent coins on my arms…so, it must be the food then right?

Which led me to think that I might be allergic to EATING….hmmm….

But then again, turning 25 means, I’m starting to have bouts of wind storm in my tummy..help! this wind storms will just pick up whenever they think I’m having a particularly good day, and causes my face to engage in a perpetual frown …It will cucuk2 my insides and will so disturb my day ….(sejak bila laa pulak I pandai angin2 nie??? )

Then, there’s actual sleepless nights…no, no, not because I’m pining for a secret lover, or Takuya Kimura or even that good looking doctor I was introduced to the other night (who, btw, is really nice and cute, and dresses nicely, but we’ll save that bedtime story for another session la)…I actually, cannot get to sleep. Even though I’ve had some painkillers, or if it’s really late, or I’m waking up early the next day, my eyes just simply won’t shut. Which worries me cuz, help!! I need to wake up early tomorrow morning! And help! I don’t think I have any unresolved issues that would reward me with sleepless nights…well, at least I don’t think so….take for example last night, there I was, wide awake, tossing and turning while trying to find a non-existent comfortable spot on my bed….i could here the roar of engines on the highway, the ticking of my bedside clock, the not-so-gentle hum of the air conditioning, and whenever someone turns on a pipe, I could here the pumps shake and rattle….its enough to drive a sane person mad, I tell you!

Arrgghhh..what’s wrong with meeeeee???? Turning 25 sure has its “perks” *sigh*

Coordination is another thing which I would like to complain of, thank you very much…especially when I was beyond mortified last Wednesday evening, when I tripped over a blind man’s cane, and caused it to clatter to the ground…ARRGHHH!!!!!!! Beyond mortification!!!!!!!!! I was walking across the road at KL Sentral, when I spotted this Indian woman guiding a blind man across me….so, I tried to anticipate his direction when he stopped to say thank you to that sweet Indian lady (come to think of it, I don’t even know why I bothered cuz the pathway was HUGE!!! Just move aside la kan..but noooo….) so I thought this dude was going to the right, so I moved to his left, but keeping my eyes on the ground (Lesson for you kids out there, tengok dengan mata , bukan dengan kepala lutut!)..my eyes were on those grey and white tiles when suddenly this white cane came into the picture, and for the life of me, I don’t know why but I got flustered and tripped over the cane (it was intertwining between my legs!), and nearly fell (smooth, real smooth!), and the cane came crashing down…..of course, by then I was horrified (not to mention mortified beyond belief), so I scrambled to pick it up and return it to the blind man, who btw, seemed very cool about the whole thing….

The clincher was when I said….

“Sorry bang, SAYA TAK NAMPAK…”

GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*knocks head on nearest PC 3 times*

aduss, aduss..what insensitive loser would say THAT to a blind man?? You got it, c’est moi! Ya ampun, malunye!!!

Moving on, moving on….the house seems devoid of any character now that my mom is enjoying herself in Jakarta with the little sis..i went home to a slightly colder house, with my dad all dressed up to have his dinner outside….not to mention lunch and breakfast…sheesh, kesiann la pulak….one thing I do realize tho, now that my mom is not around, is that I am more jittery, and would jump at the slightest noise….last night 2 things fell, and I kept running out to my dad to ask what happened, bulging eyes and mad hair…’twas only the broom and the lava lamp, but I tell you, my nerves was on the edge thinking about the house and the family, and the creepy crawlies that lies just beyond our fences….guess this is how my mom must have felt all these years huh :p

On a somber note, I received news that a uni mate of ours, Amir, is currently in the hospital, as a result of an accident…the last thing I heard, his condition was not so stable so, please, if you have the time, spare a prayer for him and his family…thank you…

Stare up to the sky...

Mungkinkah bila kubertanya
Pada bintang-bintang
Dan bila ku mulai merasa
Bahasa kesunyian

- Peter Pan’s “Mimpi Yang Sempurna” –

I have not lost any fondness for blogging, although, I did type out 3 different sentences before ending up with this one…I didn’t mean to leave such an ugly post before, but I need it as a reminder that rosy things don’t always exist…

It’s the eve of Maulud Nabi, and I am busy googling cheap budget apartments in London…yeah baby, I’ll be back! But only for a short while, so the arrangement of bumming in former home is not an option, as, I will have with me, 5, read that FIVE, giggly ladies ranging from an age where salsa dancing could be considered a daily activity, to those of the “salsa tu amende?” age…therefore, I need to look for a cheap yet comfortable pad for us…

To make things a little bit more complicated, these Golden Girls (yups, u got it, it consists of my mom, aunt and dentist…AGAIN) have plans for a roadtrip to Austria, which will take out a chunk of their stay in the UK, making booking apartments a little bit difficult….now, hmm…peruse this for a while….they very well got cranky on a 3 day trip to the Midlands last year, and now they want to squash up against each other on a 10 day European trip crossing how-many-countries?? Sheeshhhh…

Then again, I’m only there for the ride *grins*..i figured I HAVE to get on that kitschy Sound of Music tour before I turn 40, and this might be my only chance..then there’s the Open Air Theatre at Regents Park, and Mary Poppins, and Marksgate, and shoe shopping at Selfridges ..*sigh*…insya-Allah, that is if everything works out and I have enough moolah….

Speaking of moolah, my mind is stuck in the woods of ke-confuse-an….see, this company I work for? Have not paid me any salary…yep, they are huge, and of the IT field, yet they claimed that there’s an error in their system which didn’t permit them to pay me my salaray….wtf? i shall not go on here, as it feels as if the knife that has been twisted into my heart, was just wrenched out and grinded back in…..anyhoo, it made me feel kinda dumb cuz despite every advice given to me by my friends and family, I did pen down my signature on that offer letter….the confusions also came from loads of dead ends in job interviews…I’ve just about given up hope right now, as yes, I’m dying to leave this place, and yet, I have nowhere to go….the best part is, my mom keeps bugging me to send in my resignation letter just so I can accompany her on her daily errands, or just cruising around town….it does not help that she’s flying off to Jakarta this Sunday with my sis, and mentioned wouldn’t it be nice if I were to come along…grr…..

I can’t bear the thought of not working and earning….then again, I can’t bear waking up so the very early in the morning, only to be on my feet for 2 hours just to get to the office…and yet, there’s nothing new on the horizon out there for me to get my hands in…

I feel like standing in the middle of dead ends, even though, I know there’s a simple and rational way out of all this…I guess my emotional judgements are clouding my vision….in the meantime, I’ma keep on trying and praying…

My mom celebrated her 55th birthday 2 weeks ago…Happy Birthday Ma, I’m the luckiest person in the whole wide world to have you as my mom, and nothing makes me happier than to see you at your happiest... i know that you prolly have everything that you ever want right now (well, except for the red sports shoes and that Nose sandals, don’t worry, I’ll get them once this blasted company pay up my salary), and the only thing that would make you the happiest mom right now, is bouncing a chubby grandchild on your laps, which, I’m sorry I’m not able to produce yet….

so, as a gift I pray that you would have your health, murah rezeki, a happy life, a peaceful relationship with your husband and have all your wishes granted….i do hope that you, in turn, would pray that I let go a little, and try to accept another human being in my life, to love and to cherish, and to spend my lifetime with, who would take good care of me and provide me love and guidance…

Cuz, at this moment ma? Having a perfect life with you, means that I don’t ever want to let go…