A very ugly entry

And I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

- Alanis Morissette's "You Ought To Know" -

Maybe what she said was right...maybe i should try listening to other people for a change...maybe i do build walls around myself...maybe i don't try hard enough...maybe i think too much...maybe, just maybe, it's time to go for a change....

yeah, maybe...

i did try it tho last night..didn't actually work, but then again my stomach was bogged down with Chilli's classic nachos and philly cheesesteak sandwich, that my efforts were kinda weak...

or maybe, i'm still not letting go...

i've got to learn how to let go....

just...release...........

maybe, someone out there will catch me....and if nobody does, i'll pick myself up again....and continue walking...my tunnel seemed long, but i still believe in that tiny ray of light....maybe i dreamt of that ray of light..but whether it exists or not, i'm gonna try to find it....

yeah...learn to let go....

as a start, i've started to erase the memory of a fucking asshole who ruined my sunday night...i had hoped that you rot in hell, but i take it back..now i just hope that your daughters will go through what u put us through that night..i hope they'll come running to you crying, and you won't be able to do anything, cuz he might just be bigger or more ferocious than you...and SIR, there's no point in obtaining a bloody doctorate if you can't even find the word "manners" among the all the profanities that you spouted that day...

and even as i type this out, i'm thinking..i DO hope bad things happen to you, cause they certainly don't happen to decent people..no sireee....and i did hold my "bloody tongue"...cuz if i didn't, i'd be filing a lawsuit against you this very moment....

i hate thinking this way..i hate hating other people, but sometimes, people just have to cari pasal...maybe they have such a dull life that they find pleasure in wrecking other people's...

i badly need a Swensen's ice-cream right now....

Of strange things…

Love can be of many splendid things
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sail and fairy tales
It will make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It will fool you everytime

- Kelly Clarkson’s “The Trouble with Love is” –

The office has an air of calm relaxedness…everything seems to move slower, sound quieter, and I breathe rather easily…

Well, that’s prolly because the bosses are locked up in a management meeting :p

Woohoo….

I can finally finish looking at some of Utt’s videos online :p

So, what IS it about Utt? Well, personally, I’d say his eyes, his nose, his lips and his teeth….throw in the face as well….heck, I must be attracted to his head then!

But what a gorgeous head it is…*sigh*

Oh whoops…there I go again, doing the sighing thing….

Anyway, all this Utt pictures is making me want to watch The Chicken Rice War again…never mind that he was on only for a few minutes….

Then again, it might be worth it to invest in those Thai VCDs featuring him…hmm..wonder where I can dig some up….

On a bouncier note, i’ve finally gotten my commissions from working at the company roadshow! Yaay!!! Makcik kayo!! I can finally breathe easy, and treat myself to something nice :) *err yeah, but there's the handphone and credit card bills to think about :( *

Actually, I’m contemplating taking up Japanese, and classes are starting this week, so some of it might go there…this Japanese thing has been on my mind for quite a few years..why? for no really, really special reason…maybe it stemmed from wanting to understand those Japanese VCDs better..anyhoo, its always good to have an extra language hanging around….

But the thing is, I think I should invest in Mandarin as well..its always good to have Mandarin what’s with China’s emerging economy..but what about French? It’s not something I REALLY want to do, but it might come in handy for..well, whenever…things to ponder upon lagi...

Did I mention I was sick last weekend? Well, I was…I lost my voice, produced excessive amount of mucous, and generally couldn't be bothered to do anything, except stare blankly at the idiot box with Chronicles of Narnia in my hand…however, there’s a certain someone out there who, I’m sure, was not satisfied with that reason, when I was invited to a boogey session on Saturday night…

Please..boogey? those days are long gone, my friend…I guess I’ll have to muster up enough courage to tell that to your face..and endure your incredulous stare and sarcastic reply when that happens later…..

To end this afternoon ramble, i'd like to state for my own record here: that recently, i've been wanting to read all my textbooks back…*yes, Kimia included*

How very strange…

Utt-erly smitten :)

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

- Keane’s “Everybody’s Changing” -

i’ve been surfing VJ Utt’s websites all day long…what a dish, what a dish…

*sigh* it’s all because of the few scenes on “Oh Carol” last night, which I would never, in under any circumstance, have watched..even if there’s nothing on national tv…but watched I did, cuz Utt was just simply too beautiful to pass…
*sigh*…I can sigh like this all day long looking at him…
*sigh, sigh, sigh*
where I worked previously, there’s this shy man who worked in the processing unit whom I liked to call Mr L.…Mr L., to me, has the shadings of VJ Utt, so I’d go and kacau2 him in the evenings right before I leave, just to look at him *grins*…I know, I’m a saddo plus, sadder, I’m a weirdo…he was nice to me despite me grilling him about daily stuff, and basically endures my calls…he is, of course, married, and whenever his wife calls him up, he goes “Yes, dear…”

what I would give to get VJ Utt to say that to me :p

I;ve decided not to get to paranoid about my weight..although my BMI lies within the overweight section *oh shut up*, I refuse to get too worked up about it, and will, in time, reduce it to its desired state..*I did say, IN TIME* …..reason being?

1. My mom, who could squeeze into my sister’s training pants recently, claimed, “Adibah Noor tu ok je, takde pun die kisah gemuk ke…”…or something like that…
oh, to be Adibah Noor and have the golden voice….to have adoring fans like myself, stop in her journey to listen to you sing….to have the most adorable personality, and the warmest smile….

Kalau I jadi Adibah Noor pun, I wouldn’t have bothered…. :p

2. And the fact that my gorgeously empuk friend got engaged last week, looking at her glowing best and happiest….

I do believe, there’s light after all at the end of the tunnel…you just have to open your eyes a little wider, and try not to hold on to the sides too much….

Forces of Nature Tonight!

I don't know what he does to make you cry
But I'll be there to make you smile
I don't have a fancy car
To get to you I'd walk a thousand miles
I don't care if he buys you nice things
Does his gifts come from the heart?
I don't know
But if you were my girl
I'd make it so we'd never be apart

[Chorus:]
But my love is all I have to give
Without you I don't think I could live
I wish I could give the world to you
But love is all I have to give

- Backstreet Boy's "All I Have To Give" -

Deanna Yusof is 39 years old, y’all…..that’s like, a slightly junior version of Anita Sarawak….has it been that long already?

Hmm….

More pressing matters on my mind…why is it that I’m barely swayed by the Forces of Nature concert happening tonight?? I mean, Innuendo y’all…like my all-time favourite local-now-defunct act…and Boyz II Men, y’all…and oh my lordy, Backstreet Boys!!!! Like A.J y’all!!!!! And “ I want it that way” and “End of the Road” and “Yo Mama” and “Dayang Sayang Kamu” and “Belaian Jiwa” and, and, and….

Oh my gosh, I’m just about hyperventilating right now…if they threw N’Sync into the picture, I’d just about burst in flame y’all….

But why ah, do I seemed to not CARE about going? Ok laa, I got no money, but that’s besides the point..there wasn’t any effort at all to do anything to get myself into the Stadium tonight…..jeez…I’m pretty sure growing up I’ve said to myself that I’m going to make it to any Boyz II Men show in Msia (and Usher, and N’sync :p)…but they’re here already!! And I’m more excited about going home to crash!

Gee, I’m old….

However, if miracles occur and some tickets made my way into my hands, I’m definitely going babeh! In the meantime, I’ll just make small plans for the weekend….

Yesterday, I took a cab to KLCC for a lunch at Burger King with the Nonz, and on my way, the cabbie told me a story:

He took a Chinese businessman to Damansara earlier that morning..On his way, the man asked him how long has he been driving the cab…the cabbie answered for quite a few years…and the businessman gave him this advice: Spend a few minutes of your time everyday, and bank in RM25 into a bank account..that’s all….for a cabbie who have loose cash on him, RM 25 is not such a big deal compared to lunch and petrol…make sure that no matter what happen, do not withdraw the money (or have an order whereby you are not allowed to withdraw anything from that account)….and by the end of 10 years, you would have a substantial amount to be invested, about 100 K….apparently, this businessman was working as a cabbie in Brunei a long time ago, and this is what he did (based on another person’s advice)..and now, he’s a businessman in Singapore…

And the best thing was? He gave RM 25 to the cabbie to start off on top of paying his fair…

How’s that for a modern day godfather?

I think it was really big-hearted of him to do that to the cabbie, and as I paid him upon leaving, I asked if he’s going to do all that and he said he’ll try..i joked while handing him the money that I do not have RM 25 for him and wished him luck…

It’s nice to know that these things exists... :)

Mood swings down, up, down….

I can't find my way in
I try again and again
I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
Must be a different view
To be a me with a you
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night

- Nada Surf’s “Inside of Love” -


Adila said to Aliaa “ Dia nie, cam bodoh, kan Aliaa kan? Die nie cam tak tahu ape meaning inside of love tu, kan Aliaa, kan?”

Aliaa replied, “Ha’ah, die memang macam bodoh..”

Blubber, blubber…both of them cries..uncontrollably….weeh, weeh, weeh…

Eldest sister, upon listening to the story, and the song, turns sideways in bed, rolls eyes, and sigh….

Kids! Especially over-emotional ones…and when Aliaa gets together with Adila, there’s no stopping the melodramatics…especially Adila with her huge, sad-puppy eyes…

My friends and I were invited to an aqiqah kenduri of our friend’s daughter on Sunday..so, us 3 attention seekers decided to go in pink…yup, the 3 of us…after a long wait for the others to arrive on our convoy to Puchong, we set off…it was already late, but we figured we could still make it..unfortunately, your’s truly here made the wrong decisions and subsequently made 2 wrong turns!!!!! Arrgghhh!! It did not help that I was actually right, but 2 girls shouting “terus, terus!!!” in my ears blurred my judgement….Puchong is a menace to innocent PJ girls, I tell you….

And when we arrived, the kenduri has actually ended….cheh…

But the baby was gorgeous, resplendent in her white gown, while her mummy looked radiant, with her cute pink and grey toe socks…. Sya, as the baby is known, is simply a beautiful and clever baby….and the clan that arrived? Wrecked havoc in that tiny corner of the house over yummy food…I met my ex-boss there as well, who inquired slyly, “tak nak join kitorang balik ke?” to whom I replied with a laugh, not because I think it’s ridiculous, but err…it seemed the appropriate response then :p the pink ones then decided to get some ice-cream at A&W, but they were of course not as superior as Swensens *sigh*..geng, bile kite nak gi Swensens nieee???? *whines*

Oh and did I mention??? Takuya Kimura is baackkkk!!!!!!!!! Hail to all the powers that be!!!! My weekends will never be the same again *big grin* my only grouse is that since the house is undergoing this renovation, they’ve cabut-ed the astro dish, and now we only have tv kerajaan and tv swasta-tanpa-bayaran to watch….and Channel 8 is not clear!!! *grumble, grumble* but he is SOOOOOOOOOO YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * I want, I want…*

And like, nerrs, I’m also doubly excited as Seth and Ryan are coming back into our lives! Although I’ve been watching a few downloaded episodes of the OC, it won’t be the same as rushing home from work, then drooling in front of the TV for an hour…complete bliss…

Oh, and there’s the dinner outing with the uni mates on Friday night…Kown, I will, belanja you the honey dew juice..i promise! Other than that, it was nice catching up with them, and with new members aka Anisah’s kids..sooo adorable..!

On a more sober note, I’ve decided to accept the offer here….there goes my freedom of coming and going whenever *sigh* but for the sake of saving up my moolah for finer things in life, I have to bow down to what life is presenting to me at this moment…so, wish me luck in penning my signature around lunch time nanti….




........

The itsy bitsy Spider climb up the water spout….

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

- John Mayer’s “Daughters” -

'Twas a warm and hazy evening..the sun hid behind a veil of smog, thus reducing visibility…the air hung like a grey curtain over city dwellers..all is well with the world, except for a few occasional honks from the terrifyingly congested roads which would stretch on till the sun finally descends…

*sigh* all in all, 'twas a perfect evening of going back early in order to catch up with bestfriends over a nice, warm and greasy dinner….

The plan was to get off from work latest by 7 pm, head straight to Eilz’s in PJ for prayers, then zoomed off to Totz’s to pick the Royal Highness up, then arranged to meet Eli at some mamak stalls…

I ended up leaving the office at 8 ..*whoops, gotta put that in my timesheet, I’d better claim all the OT I can*

Nonetheless, they were forgiving *the bestfriends, that is* and soon, we were chatting noisily in the car, making last minute decisions on where to have dinner, resulting in me making abrupt turns in the depths of SS2…

We finally decided on Secret Recipe, but as soon as we could secure a parking and walked to the café, we discovered that it closes at 10.00pm…shucks..that’d leave us about 30 minutes to settle down, call for the menu, decide, and argue a bit before ordering…one of us is bound to be undecided, thus prolonging the whole process…usually me and Eilz *grins*

Hence..baik tak payah…

So, we droved on happily to Uptown..”first choice is always the best” and for about an hour, we basically sat, ate, and chatted as loud as we can…one thing for sure, put any of us girls in some spot, and we always managed to be loud…tanpa segan silu, tuan2 and puan2…

I have missed those….i’ve missed rides in cars, I’ve missed spontaneous planning, I’ve missed continous teasing and bantering, I’ve missed the quirks in character that they all have, I miss us…the Spideros….

But last night, was something…nice :)

It totally wiped out all murderous thoughts I have of current employer..plus evil thoughts that other people don’t have an ounce of consideration, and the utter disbelief that a person could forgo the health of a child in favor of her job….sheesh,…

Please God, as much as I want to earn my keep for a stress-free hari-hari senja…I don’t want to turn out to be a person devoid of feelings, and not caring about her family….please let me remain true to myself, and may I have many, many moments to cherish….

So, ladies, I am serious about the little trip we mentioned last night….i’m gonna start digging up infos and enquiring about my cuti…so, you, you and especially YOU, had better be able to get with the programme…

No, I’m not taking No as an answer….

p/s: i suddenly feel like splurging on a John Mayer cd..hmm....

Ku ingin terbang....

Hey mom! Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two?
Did you just let me go out, into the world?
You never thought to share what you knew.

So I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train.
Keep falling in love, which is kinda the same.
I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane.
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again.

- Bachelor Girl's "Busses and Trains -

I heard rumours that the matta flights is only available for trips before 21st June!!
ARRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
And I was so set on going on that girly/womanly road trip in Europe come July…
I. Am. So. Pissed…..i hope the rumours are not true tho, but if they are..then I have to plan for another trip! *rubs hands in glee*
Now, in a perfect-world scenario, I have endless holidays, huge paycheck, friends in all over the world (for me to tumpang), really fun travel mates and I have super-duper sporting parents, who would let me leave the house, blowing kisses and all…
Unfortunately, I don’t….*sigh*…
In reality, I don’t have much holidays (I’m on the verge of accepting an offer that provides 2 days off in one month..only!!!), I have smaller-than-ideal paycheck, I only have friends in certain parts of the world (not in Venice, Morocco or Vienna..3 places I REALLY want to jejak kaki in), my travel mates (existing or prospective) are either too busy getting married, engaged, or saving up for a wedding, or just plain broke, and I have parents who are most likely to pancung my head should I tell them I’ll be sleeping on strange beds in Casablanca….
So, what are my options? Well, I do have friends in Australia who prolly owes me a favour or two *evil chuckle*, I can save up for a trip to Morocco with the cousin (who just got a job, Alhamdulillah and congrats dearie!!!), because apparently its VERRYYY expensive, and there’s no direct flight from Malaysia..i think….or, I can sibuk2 with my mom and aunts on their trip to Jakarta next month (hehehe, and tumpang shopping skali)!
Hmm, reasonable choices…gee, I really wanna go on a trip with a bunch of friends..the thing is, I’ve never really planned any trips with friends before..i think the only trips I’ve been on with friends (excluding my roomie in the UK) is to PD, Terengganu, Kelantan and Cherating….which was fun, but I dunno laa..i guess I’m craving for a more adventurous one..(macam macho sangat la tu)…
So, aside from lamenting, this is also a public plea for a travel buddy..anyone?

Readings....

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

- Train's "Drops of Jupiter" -

during the recent MPH Warehouse Sale, i walked away with 5 books..not to mention one teenage classic, Forever, that i picked up the day before at Kinokuniya....Lemony Snicket's first book, Chronicles of Narnia (all 7 books into 1!), Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die, Tunku Halim's Dark Demon Rising and Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time..

i bought Judy Blume's Forever to pass my time on the train...Judy Blume is one of my favourite children author..i think her books are timeless and the stories are enjoyable...heh, i still read her children books after all these years! but Forever is somewhat a "teenage classic"...back in the 80s it would prolly have been defined as one of those dangerous books by parents of pre-teen kids as it kinda serves as a teenage guide to what love and sex is all about....its nice and short..kinda makes me want to buy more of her books...my copies of her "Starring Sally J Friedman as Herself" and "As Long As We're Together" are so battered, faded, nearly losing their jackets, and have been handled thousands of time as they're truly among my favourite reads...

Let's see..Lemony Snicket? naahh..not my type of story, not my kind of writer...although i've not watched the movie, but the first book didn't manage to ruffle my feathers..not one helai...imho, it's trying too hard to be errmm...marketable? by the end of the book, you'd prolly want to buy the next one just to see what goes on...ntahlaa..not my cup of hot chocolate...

then i read Mark Haddon...its quite hilarious...it tells of this boy who discovered a dead neighbour's dog and proceed to investigate who the murderer is...but this is no ordinary boy...he's extremely smart, loves maths and physics, is taking his maths A-Levels at the age of 12 and confident on getting an A, and has a photographic memory..unfortunately, he is errmm..different....he doesn't hug his parents as he doesn't like people touching him (if they do, he'll scream), he doesn't like the colour green and brown, doesn't eat if his food touches each other, and, goes to a special school...its funny and endearing at the same time...it gives an insight on what these special kids think like...one of his abilities is to be able to cite prime numbers till about 5 digits...so, the author named each chapter as escalating prime numbers (2, 3, 5,...)...there's even a math's solution inside, and a few drawings...quite cool...

next was Tunku Halim...the book looks creepy, as its covers are black, with a picture of a lady wearing a black tube dress, staring spookily out at you, with something that looks like another pair of arms coming out of her....the story is different...its about a man and his inheritance of becoming a bomoh...its quite descriptive, and as a royal, he certainly could describe the lifestyle of a kampung kid quite vividly...but not exactly something that i would pick up again very soon...

and now, i'm starting to read Paulo Coelho...i adore The alchemist..i hope this one is as good as that....

and how do i find the time to read all this? well, dearests, by hanging for my dear life in the public transportations, falling onto other passengers whenever i lepas my tangan to turn a page...it has really improved my sense of balance tho...try holding a book with both hands, while the train sways from side to side...its a wonder why i still can't hula the hoop....

Peanut butter milkshakes

Shall we dance?
On a bright cloud of music shall we fly?
Shall we dance?
Shall we then say "Goodnight and mean "Goodbye"?
Or perchance,
When the last little star has left the sky,
Shall we still be together
With are arms around each other
And shall you be my new romance?
On the clear understanding
That this kind of thing can happen,
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?
Shall we Dance?

- OST King and I -

I caught 2 movies last week…how way forward for me is that?!

I hardly catch any movies..it’s not something that I put my top most priority on..unlike, …hmm….actually, I can’t even define what I put my top most priority on these days..i guess, it has been, anything goes for me lately…

But in the effort of actually making an effort to have a LIFE,I dragged a few friends with me *well, dragged as in weep, and bugged them till they finally gave in :p* to watch 2 latest offerings in our local cinemas…

*you might have a premonition that I’m going to give my own personal review of one movie which has made me reduce other movies to absolute crap…well, except for You’ve Got Mail ? *

but noooo….i’m not going to give you a review of Sepet and Shall We Dance, which were the 2 movies that I watched last week…

Sepet is REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!! Period…nope, am not gonna say anything any more…GO. WATCH. IT. Even if you might end up walking out of the cinema claiming that it was crappy, at least you’d have watched it to give that kind of remark…just a little something that I’ve noticed after watching that movie…you know the Petronas ad, where there’s 2 Petronas staff riding a Jeep in some Arabic deserts, and this band of Arabic men started chasing after them on horses? Check out the driver (and not the Malay guy who wonderd “ Kita ada langgar kambing ke?” and “ Kita ada kacau anak dara orang ke tadi?”) the next time you watch that ad…ehehhehe….how cute..

Shall We Dance was…well, after watching Sepet..crappy….with a capital C also for the huge Caboose J-Lo has…the movie only serves, if at all, to satisfy my craving of wanting to watch Richard Gere on the big screen, and my curiousity as to what the whole movie was all about…I think I’m better off watching Pretty Woman, or Chicago…but it did leave me thinking, hey, ballroom dancing is cool! I prefer tap dance actually, and had earlier have plans on taking classes (and cause tremors across the Earth’s surface), but other waltzes and quicksteps are equally intriguing…oh yeah, that’s a pre-warning for minding out the next time you feel the ground shifting

yesterday i took a cab from Wisma Cosway to Changkat Raja Chulan..the cabbie was a lady driver, so i was quite surprised as KL lady drivers are quite rare..i did want to strike a conversation with her, but was suddenly shy...she had long hair, tied back with a white clip, pink long sleeved top coming out of her uniform, and when she turned to me, piercing brown eyes looked back with a sweet smile from her pink lips...i asked her to wait for me, as i was only going to go collect my cheque..she patiently waited, while reading the Harian Metro...i then told her to go back to Wisma Cosway so that i can bank in the cheque at the local BCB...i didn't know why, but i had this nagging feeling about her, so i just kept looking at her profile from the backseat...suddenly, Ya Allah!! ada stubbles on the underside of her chin!!!! laaa... jantan ke mak!! :p and all the while i was calling her kakak!! and she even gave me a discount for my fare!

I’m craving for a peanut butter milkshake right about now…that, and cheesy nachos....mmmm......