The worst of me

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

- Michelle Branch's "Breathe" -

Yes, yes..i turned 25 last week..on a Tuesday to be precise..and I was not at liberty to take the day off as I promised to my bestfriends..instead, I had to run around like a headless chicken that morning,..and go for an interview that evening, stood my friends up for the entahkeberapa kali….and cut my generic birthday cake alone in our makeshift dining room….

I don’t bloody care about the cake tho…the thought was nice and I am thankful that they remembered, although, last week I was pretty numb as I didn’t have much care for anything else….but thank you, thank you for all your wishes..god knows I needed the smiles whenever my phone rings with another birthday sms…

And so now, not only I’m dead tired from a whole weekend of standing around, trying to sell the company’s products, I am also acquiring a reputation of being a person who ‘tidak menepati janji’, a boring person who doesn’t want to go out, and the best part was when a certain someone said, “Dalie, what’s happened to you??” just because I have a VALID excuse for not going out with the girls….

Wow..bila I cari orang orang takde..bila I busy giler, berduyun2 datang and dares to COMPLAIN…which I SOOOOO hate…..

Yes, I don’t go clubbing anymore, yes, I don’t go to watch movies anymore, yes, I go to bed early cuz I need to get up early, yes I’m no longer YOUNG & ENERGETIC…

And yes, I DON’T BLOODY CARE….when I heard that I was supposed to provide an alibi for a certain friend’s mistake for having a rendezvous with her boyfriend away, I nearly said yes smugly, as hey, I don’t have to cari people to do that, cuz I’m tooo boring to be doing anything like that..and I actually smiled smugly, when I read the headlines about the 100 muslims caught in the nightclub…knowing that If I were to accept my friend’s invitation, I wouldn’t want to be reading things like that the morning after….

That actually took up the emotions for a whole week…what a waste…

Then there’s the constant search for that someone whom I can talk to and whose answers are unbiased, not prejudice, and boleh dipakai…when you’ve turn to the same people all these years for advices, you detect an answering pattern….i wish there’s someone out there with the perfect answer....ideally, this person * a female, i think* should have big hair, wear long skirts, low heels, have a kindly face with cool looking glasses....then again, it seems that at the end of the day, i wouldn't want to take responsibility for my actions, and would just BLAME everything on that person...

Then again, I just wish that I can just run out to an open field, and scream my lungs out….this is something I’ve been seriously contemplating to do lately…..

This post seemed to have brought out the worst of me..and yet…

I don’t bloody care….

*but to those who’ve been there last week, thank you, thank you, thank you….*