Love me when i'm gone?

So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone

- 3 Doors Down's "When I'm Gone" -

Allright here's the deal...hehehe..haven't been updating for a while due to, well, i could say busyness (is there such a word), i could say laziness (which is more like it), then i could also attiribute it to the fact that my job at the office doesn't require me to go clickety-clacking on the keyboard that much, and if i did, well, there'll be nosy questions from my seniors.."ape u buat tuu?"...hmm...so, i'll do my best to update...it's just that, sometimes my thoughts sound so much better, while i'm walking home from work, or in a car ride somewhere, with no pc in the sight....

i've put up 2 lyrics today..i'm into both at the moment...but the one at the end of this posting has struck a chord in me...listen to it...

so, what's up with me? i'll be frank..i'm forced to decide which uni i'm supposed to continue pursuing my postgraduate studies at..yes, i'm actually gonna do my Masters..shocking? well, to me it is..because, the idea occured to me rather late actually and now, i am all tergopoh-gapah trying to settle all the messy matters...however, dalam lambat2 meng-apply, i managed to secure 2 offers..alhamdulillah..not from very, very gempak place, but oklaaa...yang pentingnye, i love the course...unfortunately, this posed a few problems..well, the major one being, which uni do i choose?

now let's start with the one in the city...hmm, a newly-merged statute uni...reputation? well, not very recognised, although both components are known, but the new name is just..errmm..new? my worry is that potential employer might not recognise it...secondly, the programme offered is an MA...hmm, shouldn't i settle for an MSc..? hmm, what else? well, apart from all that and the tiny fact that there may not be that many MAlaysian there (i need to keep myself grounded with them around, hahaks!)..there's nothing else...plus points? well, it's in the city and that's where my heart really is..plus, i've always wanted to study there and the tuition fees are relatively cheap..however, cost of living would be rather high..i don't want to subject my parents to those kind of burdens..my parents? well, that's another thing...they don't mind where i go, as a matter of fact, they like me to be in the city (so they can come and visit me whenever, tapinye actually nak gi shopping kot)..however, i'm not comfortable with them telling their friends that their eldest daughter is doing her Masters at ** Uni...i can just imagine the others going "huh? where's that? got such place one aa?" don't get me wrong, i'm sure it's pretty good and recognized..but that's the way i see it...sorry to those yang terasa...

ok..the other uni in a much smaller town..the one i'd regard as a kampung...well, all good things lead to it..it's recognized,an MSc programme, within the top range of the tables, has a comprehensive programme structure (banyak keje!!!!), conducive town for studying (boring...), there's a Malaysian society around (yaay!)..plus i'll be nearer to my cousin, bout an hour away, and THE city is also an hour away...plus, the programme is near the top of its kind...BUT, it's not in the city, and the city, is , where my heart is...the tuition fees are a little bit more expensive, but cost of living would be relatively cheaper...oh yeah, because it's not in the city, exposures to all things relevant to my programme will be on a smaller scale..hmm...i know that, well, their kampung is equivalent to our towns, but this is just what i'm feeling...besides, all the opportunities will still be there, only on a smaller scale (quoting my exasperated education counsellor)..

*sigh*...i know i'm a spoiled brat, but see my problems? my inner self is having a tug-of-war....do i go by my heart, or by what i think is right? which path would lead me to happiness and where i aim to be? penat, penat, penat pikir.....since both commences at the end of September, i actually have to make up my mind and decide soon!

btw, thanks cik kieli, Ainurul, and Safurah for all those great emails and inputs...helps to put my problems into perspective..appreciate all the help guys :)

btw...CONGRATULATIONS to all UM graduates celebrating their convocation this week..that means you ok...all the best! and also to UNITEN graduates celebrating their convo this weekend!

On a last note...my sentiments exactly...

Avril Lavigne's "Why"

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why.