I thought it was okay...

i'm holding on waiting for your call
it's simple but i can't explain this
i'm sinking down i feel like i could die
i'm falling off i don't know why

- American Hi-Fi "Another Perfect Day" OST Get Over It -

i'm staring and staring at the Blogger edit screen, willing my mind to think about more profound stuff that would woosh out of my fingers, instead of updating on my daily fluff...not working...i wish i have the guts to write about myself in a more revealing manner like other bloggers..not that i want to, but sometimes i'm compelled to share some things that i think are funny...but sometimes i just don't have the guts to..why is that? guess it comes from caring too much about what people say...but why is it that sometimes i care too much about some and not care about what others say..? why is it sometimes my priorities are soo crooked that i'm deemed uncaring...?

i've been quite an awful friend lately...it's been pointed out by a few of my dear friends...i guess it stems out from me cancelling plans at the last minute..it must be very annoying, for they will get all excited, and then i'll call up and say..hey, sorry, tak jadi...

no amount of excuses can erase the hurt at that point of time...well, i'm sure death would be a valid and solid reason...i guess i don't have a satisfactory excuse...my lecturer once said, people makes excuses because they are finding the reasons not to do certain things...as i reflect on my actions..is that why i came up with the excuses?

don't i care for my friends anymore..? then why the constant bailing out? a dear friend even gave me a new nickname : Dalie Mungkir...i laughed it off, said sorry and will try to not let it happen again..when inside, i was feeling wretched...i guess i never did analyse what the consequences of my actions are...some friends have been known to not expect anything at all if i start making plans for they know, 95% of the time...i would cancel them...

again i state, i have no satisfactory excuse..maybe i've given out too much that they are immune to those words...but what i can offer is my sincerest apologies...i'm not even going to promise that i 'll stick to my words for fear that they will not be taken seriously ever again..i'll shut up from now on...serves me right if my friends decided not to kisah about me again...

we'll see how far this goes...