Independence

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own

- Whitney Houston's "On My Own" -

Last night i had dinner with a dear friend @ Chillis (yaay! got my mashed potatoes and Monterey Chicken..now can add new item on wishlist..yumm!!) anyways, she was telling me about her good friend who was having a hard time coping with living on her own in KL and being independent...

now, my dear friend here is quite independent..i'd have to say that since we left uni, she has been even more independent than ever, what's with all the events that has happened to her lately, it has made her a stronger person...she used to have trouble with directions, but i just have to applaud her ability to just belasah her way through...kudos to you girl!! u know who you are...

anyways, the conversation had me thinking...i regard myself as a fairly independent person...even tho' i still stay with my family, but i do make my own decisions, not under their influence (well, except for the times where i have to take my mom's feelings into consideration...unfortunately, not that many times :p ) but what if i were in my dear friend's good friend's position...? will i be able to live independently? will i be able to cope with the loneliness and the responsibility?

hmm...for as far as i know, i have almost, always been surrounded by friends and acquaintances..even when i do not know anybody, i will ensure that i have made at least one friend..it helps, you know? when u need the company, then there's somebody there...i do go to places on my own sometimes because i find that at times i prefer the solitude...but to not know anybody at all in a brand new place?

when i was in uni, i met my friend's cousin during orientation and made friends with her..she was taking the same major as i was..needless to say, we became very good friends, scheduled our classes together, went most everywhere together with another dear friend...a threesome joined by the hip...it came to the point that people would inquire if one of us is missing...great friends they are...so, i was never quite alone...only when i chose to be...

then in the second semester, i couldn't get into the same class with my other friends...it was quite a pang to me for i realised then that i didn't have any of them to depend on for this particular subject..but, hey, i thought..i can do this...they are also taking the same subject, only with a different lecturer and in a different class...so, i was quite the loner in class..i come in, sit at a corner near the front row, took down the notes, listened to the lecturer, then leave...i didn't even spoke to the person next to me...besides, it didn't help that most of my classmates already knew each other and have their own cliques...

then, bless her soul, this chubby, cheerful girl who sat behind me made conversation with me...and i began to discover a whole new world in the back rows...but, only made friends with her and her friends...thought that was ok...hey, i was passing up all the assignments on time...(had a really good tutor for a housemate at that time)..haha, i remembered, it was during the fasting month, and i was begging her to help me with the assignment after sahur...poor girl...finally managed to submit it in tiime, whew! well, not before running like a crazed lunatic through uni, with big, messy hair flying round, and unbrushed teeth..hehehhe...

until the end of the semester...when the lecturer decided to have this group assigment..yikes! i turned to my chubby friend, but her group is complete..i was at loss...then i realised, what a dope i am...i should have made more friends!! but, as God is Great, there was this other group of extremely intelligent mature students who was lacking one member...thank goodness for that...i didn't know what lucky stars got me them...i didn't even have to do a thing! *whoops* they had already completed the assignment and included my name on it....alhamdulillah...

i guess that was a lesson for me...i've learned that no matter how independent u think u are, and how much u think u can make it on ur own... no man is an island...u need people around you, or at least need to acknowledge the fact that there are gonna be people of shapes n sizes, with multiple personalities surrounding you..and that no matter how u avoid them, by laws of nature, they will be shoved into ur face just to prove that u need them too...

as years go by (chewah, 3 years only..) i find that sometimes, i don't need to surround myself with my friends ALL the time...sometimes i prefer the solitude...it was peaceful at times...you have time to reflect on things on your mind, and not be influenced by your friends opinions...i find that i am able to make new friends quite easily provided they're not annoyingly arrogant..and that if i were to venture into a new chapter inlife totally unaccompanied,insya-Allah, i'll be able to make it and survive...

hmm...being independent...still working on it....

*smile factor* - took my first client out today! first client, first lunch meeting..woohoo! despite glitches like not knowing what to say at times, i think it went quite ok laa...while my senior asked questions about his company's activities, i went ahead and asked him how he met his wife..(!!!) hahaha, had vegetarian lunch as he is one..very nice, but got really sleepy when we got back to the office because of all that rice..dang! there goes my diet (huh, we're on a diet??!!!)