Independence

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own

- Whitney Houston's "On My Own" -

Last night i had dinner with a dear friend @ Chillis (yaay! got my mashed potatoes and Monterey Chicken..now can add new item on wishlist..yumm!!) anyways, she was telling me about her good friend who was having a hard time coping with living on her own in KL and being independent...

now, my dear friend here is quite independent..i'd have to say that since we left uni, she has been even more independent than ever, what's with all the events that has happened to her lately, it has made her a stronger person...she used to have trouble with directions, but i just have to applaud her ability to just belasah her way through...kudos to you girl!! u know who you are...

anyways, the conversation had me thinking...i regard myself as a fairly independent person...even tho' i still stay with my family, but i do make my own decisions, not under their influence (well, except for the times where i have to take my mom's feelings into consideration...unfortunately, not that many times :p ) but what if i were in my dear friend's good friend's position...? will i be able to live independently? will i be able to cope with the loneliness and the responsibility?

hmm...for as far as i know, i have almost, always been surrounded by friends and acquaintances..even when i do not know anybody, i will ensure that i have made at least one friend..it helps, you know? when u need the company, then there's somebody there...i do go to places on my own sometimes because i find that at times i prefer the solitude...but to not know anybody at all in a brand new place?

when i was in uni, i met my friend's cousin during orientation and made friends with her..she was taking the same major as i was..needless to say, we became very good friends, scheduled our classes together, went most everywhere together with another dear friend...a threesome joined by the hip...it came to the point that people would inquire if one of us is missing...great friends they are...so, i was never quite alone...only when i chose to be...

then in the second semester, i couldn't get into the same class with my other friends...it was quite a pang to me for i realised then that i didn't have any of them to depend on for this particular subject..but, hey, i thought..i can do this...they are also taking the same subject, only with a different lecturer and in a different class...so, i was quite the loner in class..i come in, sit at a corner near the front row, took down the notes, listened to the lecturer, then leave...i didn't even spoke to the person next to me...besides, it didn't help that most of my classmates already knew each other and have their own cliques...

then, bless her soul, this chubby, cheerful girl who sat behind me made conversation with me...and i began to discover a whole new world in the back rows...but, only made friends with her and her friends...thought that was ok...hey, i was passing up all the assignments on time...(had a really good tutor for a housemate at that time)..haha, i remembered, it was during the fasting month, and i was begging her to help me with the assignment after sahur...poor girl...finally managed to submit it in tiime, whew! well, not before running like a crazed lunatic through uni, with big, messy hair flying round, and unbrushed teeth..hehehhe...

until the end of the semester...when the lecturer decided to have this group assigment..yikes! i turned to my chubby friend, but her group is complete..i was at loss...then i realised, what a dope i am...i should have made more friends!! but, as God is Great, there was this other group of extremely intelligent mature students who was lacking one member...thank goodness for that...i didn't know what lucky stars got me them...i didn't even have to do a thing! *whoops* they had already completed the assignment and included my name on it....alhamdulillah...

i guess that was a lesson for me...i've learned that no matter how independent u think u are, and how much u think u can make it on ur own... no man is an island...u need people around you, or at least need to acknowledge the fact that there are gonna be people of shapes n sizes, with multiple personalities surrounding you..and that no matter how u avoid them, by laws of nature, they will be shoved into ur face just to prove that u need them too...

as years go by (chewah, 3 years only..) i find that sometimes, i don't need to surround myself with my friends ALL the time...sometimes i prefer the solitude...it was peaceful at times...you have time to reflect on things on your mind, and not be influenced by your friends opinions...i find that i am able to make new friends quite easily provided they're not annoyingly arrogant..and that if i were to venture into a new chapter inlife totally unaccompanied,insya-Allah, i'll be able to make it and survive...

hmm...being independent...still working on it....

*smile factor* - took my first client out today! first client, first lunch meeting..woohoo! despite glitches like not knowing what to say at times, i think it went quite ok laa...while my senior asked questions about his company's activities, i went ahead and asked him how he met his wife..(!!!) hahaha, had vegetarian lunch as he is one..very nice, but got really sleepy when we got back to the office because of all that rice..dang! there goes my diet (huh, we're on a diet??!!!)

Wishlists

Omigod....was that me writing yesterday?!! no, that wasn't me!! that was some hopeless romantic looking for escapism...i'm the insufferable one..hehhehe...again, pardon the entry..product of the idle mind...note to self: must not touch keyboard when bored!...hmmmm

Wishlist for the day:

I want 'em..all of 'em...

Books:

1. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
2. The complete shopaholic series.
3. The Nanny Diaries
4. To Kill a Mockingbird
5. Jemima J
6. Like Water for Chocolate
7. The catcher in the rye

[hmm, 4 out of 7 are chick-flicky novels...does that make me one ditzy chick? hehehe...]

To watch on the idiot box:

1. A perfecly clear screening of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Ada Apa dengan Cinta (coming soon on NTV7..woohoo!!)
2. My Fair Lady.
3. Breakfast at Tiffany's
4. Lion King (i must be the last person on earth who has yet to watch this movie..)
5. The Matrix and X-Men (same as above)
6. Reality Bites (ditto..)

To eat: (oh, this one could go up to hundreds...)

1. Right now, Chilli's mashed potatoes and Monterey Chicken..(mmm, slobber,slobber...)
2. Warm, buttery croissants from Delifrance
3. Spaghetti Carbonara.....mmmmmm....
4. Nasi Ayam Kampung specifically from either Kg Baru/Pandan (i don't remember which, but i do remember that they pack the nasi in such a way that its tulang will poke right out of its wrappings..mmmmm...)
5. Seafood pizza from Pizza Hut
6. A yummylicious cheese naan and tandoori chicken (any suggestions..?)

More to come, i'm sure...anyways, might not be putting in any new entries as life has become even more monotonous than it could aspire to be..plus i have to start studying (start already, don't worry..)...so enjoy what's left while it lasts...oh, yeah, note to newcomers (if there is any..judging by the entries yg mcm kinda dry and not exciting at all..hahaha...not that many laa tu kot...) please, please sign the guestbook..thank you!

In the meantime, i shall leave you this song from 10 Things I Hate About You..one of my personal favourites..enjoy!


Letters to Cleo - I Want You to Want Me

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me

I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me

as of today, i officially have 17 days to my IBBM exams..i have resolved to ACTUALLY start studying for it..pray for me..may i be able to do this thing in peace....

hmm...where art thou...?

i dream of a guy who has a cheerful and peaceful face with a warm smile to make my day..he would call me up just to say hi, or to say "hey, i saw and i thought of you! "...not particularly romantic, but definitely endearing because he remembered and he cared...

to walk hand in hands by the beach, because i actually think it's romantic..or to stroll around the housing area near my house dreaming about our future home...to go to the playground and sit on the swings while we watched kids play around us...

i dream that he would be really interesting and could relate to what i chatter about..to be able to listen to me for hours on end even tho' whatever i say do not make any sense...to have the ability to look into my eye and turn my insides into mush...and that when he opens his mouth to speak, i would be fascinated at his amount of knowledge that he kept well-hidden under his quiet, but confident exterior..

and when we sit in the car together, our shoulders will lean towards each other, just like magnets...

Afternoon Thots

i had this thought in my head on my way to the bank (went to bank in my paycheck, woohoo!!)

why do we limit our abilities and imagination to the convention? why is it that we think our life is on one straight road and everything we do are preceding to the expected ideal? why is it that some people can't accept the fact that life is constantly evolving, that your choices might never come out the way u expected it to be? and if it didn't, why can't u comprehend the idea of taking charge of your life, turn it around to something totally unexpected?

hmm..seems mind boggling questions..but actually was pondering upon a conversation between 2 friends....i am a firm believer in the willpower of the mind...anyways, the conversation centred upon the subjects of education and occupation...

i dunnolaa...i graduated with a bachelors degree in Business Administration (majored in Finance) and am currently working in a merchant bank...hmm, seems the ideal job for a graduate of that discipline...somehow, i am not very happy and satisfied (i can hear my dear friends groaning right now, hahaha...)..well, in order for me to switch jobs, i'd have to look around for another similar job right? WRONG!! i actually don't mind..as a matter of fact, i'd be delighted to go into something i've never done before...a new challenge, i say..throw me into the deep end of the pool!

but i'm convinced i won't drown...no matter how alien or dangerous the deep end is, i believe in the ability of the strength of the human mind...we are all survivors...we won't let ourselves down...then why is it do we think we won't be able to survive...?

i've read so many stories about how individuals who turned their lives upside down for the better merely by just changing jobs! i've even had a conversation with an accomplished tech-support guy who told me he went all the way for his accounting degree, even did his professional papers and got really good results for it...but he's currently doing very well in this IT company and he seems very happy and motivated..my coursemate at the IBBM has an electronic engineering degree from UK specialising in satellites...but is currently, happily trading interest rates swaps for a local bank...

If anyone thinks that their degree (or doing a degree in one discipline and working for something else) is a waste, then they just simply can't understand the power of knowledge and undermine the uncertainty of the future..for u have the stepping stone to go very far...to do whatever you want to do...to have something to fall back on when things don't quite work out the way u wanted it to be...

maybe i'm just reassuring myself here..but i know it can be done...i know that i will be able to do whatever i set my mind on..and that when you strive to do ur best, you'll reap the rewards..and most importantly, when you have the passion you'll definitely love it..

knowledge is a gift from God, and it is up to us to utilise it to our best ability...talents, abilities and personalities are all part of the parcel that we are made up of...so, never underestimate the power of your mind, your knowledge and the person YOU are...where there's a will there's definitely a way...and leave the rest to God...

[ramble,ramble, ramble...apekebende yg die merapu nie? tulaaa, org suruh gi mkn lunch tak nak..kan dah jadi bengong..bile org bace nanti, mesti diorang ingat "nie preacher mane punye site nie?"...nie dah sah takde bende nak tulis nie, pakai belasah je..]

pardon my entry..boredom is setting in....help!

The Trusty Companion

When i was growing up, way back in those twilight zones of the 80's..i didn't have any close friends to play with..(sad or not..) i was buried in storybooks and only played badminton with my brother and sister..sad..saaadddd...nyways, my parents, in hope that i find an alternative hobby, i'm sure, introduced me to the bicycle..whee! i remembered where we got it..it was at this bike shop in kl, near Central Market..i remembered that all the bikes on sale that time were lined up in front of the shop in various colours..i had wanted to see the bikes in the shop but they told me that my selection was only limited to that row of bikes in front of the shop..over the years it finally hit me..memang laa...basikal kanak-kanak!! hehehe...

anyways, my first bike was this fiery red BMX..hehehe, observe the attraction to the colour even at a young age..man, was i proud of it...rode it everyday (with training wheels at first), then graduated to 3 wheels (which was kinda weird cuz i would be riding in a lopsided fashion, but was really proud of myself at that time to realise anything,hehehe) and then finally.....2 wheels! yaay! i have finally arrived! the momentous occasion took place on my front lawn with my late grandpa holding the back of the bike till the last minute...when my parents came home from work, chewah, i was impressing them with my so-called skills..

then we moved to Subang and my trusty bike came along as well..the kids in the neighbourhood were all smaller than me so i didn't have any close friends to hang around with...so, the bicycle became my constant companion..every evening i'll go for a ride round the housing area...i went exploring most everywhere...and when i don't have the strength to cycle anymore, you'll find me by the roadside pushing my bike...usually up a steep hill..

haha, i even developed a few routes that consists of riding behind people's houses (i love looking into ppl's houses, i don;t know why...the habit hasn't left me yet..) going through fields and over drains..tons of slopes cuz my housing area was hilly...man, those were some fun times! (nerd alert!)

fond memories those cycling days...one unforgettable incident was when i decided to go cycling with an old friend..we had the brightest idea to put her sitting on the same bike with me (mind you, i don't have any passenger seats!)..there we were rolling down the hill, with the wind rushing in our ears..all the way until we topple of the bike and landed in a heap on the ground..hahahah! ouch! was that painful or what..

but tak serik lagi tu..we decided to explore a new territory near our school grounds...and off we went..cycled till it was late and i had to go home...on my way home, bout half the journey i realise that my bike was not as bouncy and laju as before..aikss..what happened? pancit!!!!!!!! oh man....guess who had a long trek back home pushing her so-called trusty bike? hehehe, nearly missed dinner and nearly had my head blown off by my mom's yelling...hmm, should have taken it as a sign to LOSE WEIGHT! no wonder it pancit-ed..the cyclist was a little bit on the, ahem, chunkier side...

i stopped cycling when i started secondary school...well, i went to this famous all-girls school in pj (maju penuntut.....)hahaha..so i would reach home only around, 7.45? for real ! oh, well, part and parcel of going to a school in the next (town?) area laa...so my cycling days were put on hold..and my brother claimed posession of my bike..ooh, by that time no more BMX for me, nope siree, it was..RALEIGH! hahaha, the next adult bike (in a posh voice)..

anyways, i think it was in Form 3 when i decided to get back on the bike..so i saved up for one really nice model (hehee, got my mom to pay for the rest..) this nice, shiny, MOUNTAIN BIKE....adult laa tu...when i finally got it, i still didn't have that much a time to ride it...so it was just standing at the side of the house..

then one mid-afternoon..was cloudy..i decided to go for a ride cuz the weather was nice..so there i was, enjoying my ride when i could feel drops of rain pelting on my head..so i rushed home..and going down the slippery slope to my house, i realised that i was going faster, and faster...i made a sharp turn into my driveway and could see the walls of my house rushing up to me..i braked as hard as i could with a resounding screech.....

and flew across the car porch, landing in a sprawl with a twisted wrist and an injured pride...

oh maann....;)

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

currently listening to Babyface's Reason For Breathing....

Had a nicely filled out weekend..attended 2 wedding..the famed Kaezrin's (thanks for having us!) and a senior from uni who got married to another senior..aww...how sweet..it's amazing that after all those years they actually end up together..how time flies..

what's with the subject title, you might ask...well, it's the result of news that my little sister is leaving...yes, leaving to another state to pursue studies in interior design (something that she had always wanted to do ever since she got hold of the Anjung Seri and Impiana mags)...the news was greeted by mixed reactions from the folks at home...well, actually we were kinda expecting it..that course can only be found in that state or in the main campus in Shah Alam (i bet we all know which institution i'm referring to right now...)..so little sis had been preparing herself for the move...

but when the letter actually came, it came as a surprise..we didn't think that she would actually HAVE TO GO...suddenly she doesn't seem 17 anymore...suddenly, she's still my lil sis with the childish haircut, the high, whiny voice and extemely irritating way of getting her own way...i can't imagine, no make that, i can't digest that she has to go away from all of us to stay on her own...she has never been away for more than a week before! how is she going to cope? how are we going to go on as if nothing has changed?

she's the bubbly one, the joyful one, the spoilt one...well, what do u expect, the youngest kan? she's the lifeline...kalo die takde, the house will seem so empty and quiet...and we have to endure that for 3 years?! she's the lifeline of the family..she has the fuel to keep our engines running, shall we say...and she has been my buddy all these years, despite the 5-year age gap..my girlfriend whom i go shopping with,the one i have loads of fun and girly talk with, the one who would be completely honest with me regarding my sometimes atrocious fashion sense, ehehee..who would listen to all my nonsense and problems, and provide solutions,who willingly do all that i ask her to do (cuz i can sometimes impersonate Hitler, it comes naturally when ur a big sis, muahahaha)..i can always count on her to accompany me wherever and has always been a real trooper..cheering me up whenever i'm moody with her funny jokes and sometimes lawak bodoh..and the fact that she could get along with all my friends...she's a brat, but a lovable one...but she has always, always been there...true, there were lots of shouting matches involved but it would usually be resolved within minutes...err...or longer..but she's not the type to hold a grudge...within hours she would be skipping into my room to beg me to take her to McDs. usually with a promise that she would belanja me...hehehe, so cute....

i must admit, when i heard that she got that place, i began experiencing prickly feelings behind my contact lenses..i congratulated her and told her that it was great, and began to spew advices...and all the while, all i wanted to do was bawl my eyes out...my mom was also very quiet and moody that night..but what can we say? it's what she has to do...my dad? well ,when the letter arrives, he was getting ready for Friday prayers and told her that she should appeal to stay instead..but after prayers, he seemed more willing to let her go...

i guess among the reasons i don't want her to leave (aside from the fact that i'm gonna miss her soooo much) is that i am afraid..for her..she has always lead a sheltered life..and now, she would have to be independent and take care of herself...i worry for her safety, well-being, studies...i worry if she'll be able to get friends or if people are gonna think that she's hoity-toity (she can sometimes give that kind of impresion)..however, i also think that she grew up in a good environment and that she's smart and mature enough to think for herself..well, after all the years of yelling me and my brother did to knock some sense into her head, hehehe, she'd better be...

i guess there must be a point in my life where i will have to let her grow up and make decisions on her own...she has, after all, grown up and have gone through the trials of teenagehood..its just that, in my mind, she's still the small sister i have...this is it then..i would have to trust her enough to let go...and pray to God that He will always, always protect her...this is a new chapter in her life and she has to face it...

p/s: haha..we're actually working on an appeal...heheheh...if it all works out, then she won't have to go..yaayy!! hehehe..let's hope she doesn't come across this emotional entry bout her...le huge derriere nanti....kembang cam air-baloon....

Today...
 
Today I will delete from my diary
 
 two days: yesterday and tomorrow
 
Yesterday was to learn and tomorrow will be the consequence of what I can do today. 
            
Today I will face life with the conviction that this day will not ever return.
 
Today is the last opportunity I have to live intensely, as no one can assure me that I will see tomorrow's sunrise.
                 
Today I will be brave enough not to let any opportunity pass me by,my only alternative is to succeed.
 
Today I will invest my most valuable resource:my time, in the most transcendental work:my life;  I will spend each minute passionately to make of today a different and unique day in my life.

Today I will defy every obstacle that appears on my way trusting I will succeed.
                        
Today I will resist pessimism and will conquer the world with a smile, with the positive attitude of expecting always the best.
 
Today I will make of every ordinary task a sublime expression,
 
Today I will have my feet on the ground understanding reality and the stars' gaze  to invent my future.
 
Today I will take the time to be happy and will leave my footprints and my presence in the hearts of others

Today, I invite you to begin a new season where we can dream that everything we undertake is possible and we fulfill it, with joy and dignity.

-from Helda's forwarded email...u may not be reading this Helda, but it made my day..so let's meet up..and to other creatures of comforts whose phone calls almost always leave me smiling, from the bottom of my heart, thank you...you know who you guys are...-

anyways, i found this in a local newspaper last week...been meaning to put it up...

Jangan kau kira cinta yang datang dari keakraban yang lama. Cinta adalah anak kecocokan jiwa dan jika itu tidak pernah ada cinta tidak akan tercipta - Khalil Gibran

"That I Would Be Good" - Alanis Morissette

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you


am currently listening to Lifehouse's Spin..i really like this song...

dunno what's wrong with me...had a fairly pleasant day..it was the last day of the lectures and everyone was exchanging namecards and phone numbers...the food was fairly good, considering it was our last day of meals there...i didn't fall asleep..well, not much...i could actually understand what was being taught..heck, i could even do those exam questions we reviewed...

somehow, towards the end of the class..my mood took a dip..i felt restless and couldn't stand another minute of the lecturer's nasal voice and his incessant blabber and just felt like screaming my head off...and then, my bro, who promised earlier this morning to pick me up, couldn't make it...turns out he was already at home..,so had to catch a cab to the komuter station, and when i board the train i had to stand most of the way...it didn't help either that i was carrying a heavy load of folders.. did not do any good to my already foul mood....

what was really going on in my head is a jumble of confused thoughts, muddled up even more with my change of mood...have u ever had the feeling that u are not liked as a person and only exist as part of the background? do u sometimes feel that the world is against you, that everything you do is not right? that you think the world is rushing ahead, leaving you behind? like no one sees u for what u really are and only look at the whole package, passing out their judgements? like nobody cared....

the core of my being centres upon the need to be accepted, the need to be visible and to be understood...i'm usually perfectly happy with the condition of my existence most of the time...but when these thoughts invades my mind, my perfect axis topples, leaving me grappling for whatever piece of sanity left within me...

maybe it's just fatigue...maybe it's resignation to.........

maybe it's been a long day...

Ku ingin terbang,
Bersama mu,
Dan gapai pelangi...

i had this chorus in my head when i woke up this morning....it's from an Indonesian song Terbang by The Fly...

wasn't in the mood to update this blog of mine yesterday...and when i did have the mood, lil bro was using it for his work..hehehe..his work..he's currently doing his practical at this local, small, design company...so this is like his first job experience...he used to comment on how i could use up my paycheck in a month and not have any leftovers for extreme leisure pursuits, while he goes, oh , that would be more than enough for me...to put it all in perspective, i helped him to put his estimated budget together (when he actually starts working, that is) just to prove my point (that it would almost be NEVER enough)..unfortunately, having a stubborn head convinced him that he would have enough...2 weeks inro practical...hah!! already begging my dad for Bentangan Belanjawan MAsa Practical...laughed my head off....

anyways, had a nice lecture session yesterday...was only asleep for a short while! believe me, that's quite an achievement...it helped tho' that he has started on a series of calculation questions that kept us busy...Unfortunately, it consists of the same question repeated over and over again (only to be answered in many ways) and he kept on using the same diagram...the weird thing is, he keeps using stick figures for illustration as 'the company', or 'the bank'...arrgghh!! if i see another stick figure again, i'll go nuts! nuts, i tell ya...my buddy from the class sits in the front row while i had the privilege (or not) of sitting in the last row...where my view of the the lecturer's transparencies are limited, but the view of the whole class are not...it's funny how during the first 3 sessions there would be lots of question thrown to the lecturers by the participants...but for this one...almost none...i even caught some of the "studious" ones sleeping...hahaaha, that would be, of course, between my own winks...

met up with My Two Best Friends yesterday to discuss, err, delicate matters...hmm, actually i woke up this morning also wondering if we resolved them...n'mind..too lazy to go into details here...anyways, it was fun meeting up...i guess being best friends gives u the confidence to strut around their kitchens, ordering them to cook, basically pulling out anything that looks yummy enough to eat..just as u would do in your own kitchen...and hanging out with their parents seemed the next natural thing to do...i love the fact that when they come over to my place they can just hang in front of the telly or in the kitchen with my mom...

anyways, had my dear bro to pick me up from MBF's place...unfortunately, the little bugger had problems getting there (i.e. does not know how to get there, grr...) so was giving him the directions as he was only about 5 minutes away:

Me: Ok, when u reach the traffic light at the masjid, turn left..
Bro: Ooopss...salah, salah...ok, ok, i'm gonna turn back...
Me : ok turn back, cepat....
Bro: wait laa, i'm at the roundabout..let's talk about the weather first...
Me: D!!! cepatlaa!!!
Bro: ok, ok...i'm at the traffic light...
Me: ok fine...then turn left...and go straight until u see lots of gerai on your right...
Bro: ok, ok, i'm turning...(after half a minute..) takde gerai pun!!
Me: what?! adelaa! tengok betul2...
Bro: takde pun...ade kidney foundation...
Me: mane ade kidney foundation kat situ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! salah jalan dah tu..ur on the other side of pj!!...alamak...camnne nie??!!!
Bro: aarrghh!!! takpelaa! get out of the way! i'll find my way there...u just tunggu there...* dial tone...*
Me: D! D!..arrgh!!!

and while this conversation took place, my two best friends were doubled up in hysterics...laughing their heads off...some help they are...

it was a good thing he found us..15 minutes later...

and we're back in my mom's pffice again for another round of...

Entries Typed Out Before Rushing To Class At The IBBM..

so, this is the last week of my series of lectures..as always, am so not looking forward to it..we're doing derivatives and risk management this week..arrggh!! just have a peep at the contents and it's enough to make me lurch...oh well...

i told my colleagues at the office that if i don't pass this exam and get my license, to be prepared to get a new staff in the treasury...basically, it's a form of escape for me..i think i'm wasting my youth and energy there..not that i intentionally want to do badly..(no, goodness no..) but it's just not me...i need to do something that i can be passionate about..that i can wake up to every morning and not dread...that i can think about all the time without a feeling of loath...

hmm...wonder what that would be...

i adhere to the rules of Qada and Qadar...maybe this is the best for me...life is just full of uncertainties that sometimes it's much easier to ask for a sign from God to tell you what to do..but then again, where's the challenge in that?

*siigghhhh....*

anyways, had a nice lunch session yesterday with a dear friend...a certain someone was supposed to come along..but takde rezeki, i suppose...met a very dear old friend from primary school...i love seeing these people...it amazes me soo much at the changes we went through...how we are now close with those people whom we won't even be friends with in school...

my classmates from Standard 6 was a close-knit bunch...maybe it helped that we had a rebellious, single, female teacher...she was against lotsa things in school, and being energetic young minds, we couldn't have agreed more...we supported all her activities and remained loyal to her throughout the whole year..

we had loads of class parties (some unauthorised) that other classes were envious of..we had rules relaxed for us..loads of story telling session as our teacher often deviates from the topic to tell us stories from her youth..she was very opinionated that it's a small wonder that she was actually studying for a law degree part-time...we had a free PE session because she wasn't that athletic and seemed to wear tight, short skirts all the time that made it impossible to chase after us around the school field...

those were the days...

and for years after that, we made certain that we hold a reunion at least once a year where we catch up on things...hmm...which reminds me...

we need another one soon...

awaken...
the soul bids the creature..
and in darkness he swims to the shore..
show me the light,
let me feel the warmth caressing my skin,
let sounds of merriness pervade my being...
but the eyes flickers,
its breath subsides,
his senses dulls,
as the limbs weaken...

i can't, i can't...

and slowly...
he makes his way to the murky waters,
to be swallowed, yet again,
by the restless darkness...

when the moonlight shines upon the eyes,
when the dawn breaks the darkness,
when the stars lights up the distant skies
when the soft wind blows across the dry plains,
when a day seems like an eternity,
when hope is like pure ecstacy,
when heaven descends...

when the eyes twinkle,
when the pulse quickens
when the breath catches itself
when the lips curve into a smile,
when the feet take the tentative step,
when the fingers reach out,
when the heart surrenders...

by Soraya

*smile factor* - currently listening to Broery Marantika's Jangan Ada Dusta Di Antara Kita and Josh Groban's You're Still You...lovely, lovely songs...*sigh*...

The First Day Of the 2-Day Holiday

so , my 2-day holiday actually started the day before...well, the actual activities that is...went to the British Council on Tuesday evening right after work...right after work actually means 2 hours from the actual time i leave the office on evry other day...why? because of stupid Maybank who can't remit their payments on time...And they call themselves No. 1!! was joking to colleague, saying this staying back due to delayed payments ONLY happens on the eve of a holiday...sheeshh!!..so registered for the IELTS..met an ex-office mate of mine...poor thing...tore his ligament playing soccer a few weeks back and had to move around with crutches...he was with his 'latest'..a sweet young thing with purple braces..chatted for a while...seems he's doing really well in this construction company he's currently attached with...lucky! maybe i should.....

anyways, made my way over to the Klang Valley via the wonderfully efficient lrt...had dinner with 2 dear friends at Uptown....sotong goreng and kuetiow goreng....*sigh* pure, pure ecstacy...catch up on things and gossiped, naturally....met up with my 2 best friends and their significant others...one best friend just got back from umrah, so she had gifts for me...a small praying mat, tasbih...thanks Eileen! made our way to Pantai Hillpark to visit a newly-acquired friend...ahem...heheheh...was just accompanying a dear friend who seemed to have struck a kinship, shall we say, with him....such a jolly fella, like a frisky bunny..i think he was a little bit excited that we came to visit him...couldn't stay still and wanted to get us food and drinks...alaaa, comellaaaa, heheheh.....had a tour around his place that he shares with our ex-uni mates..nicely done...plants in the house, rice-paper lamps hanging round, interestingly-coloured house..made us feel like redecorating our rooms!

on the first day of the holiday, i accompanied my mom to Melaka...very early...that's 2 states away, and since i got back late from the excursion the night before, i was really knackered and slept the whole way...poor Mama...had to contend to my snores cuz the radio's broken...why Melaka? she wanted to get some furniture...let's not get into details here, but that's my mom for you...very fussy and particular...was very cranky in the morning cuz i didn't get any breakfast..see the thing with me is that, i have to get some form of food in my tummy early in the morning...but my mom had this bright idea of having breakfast in seremban!! and those shops were closed!! i was ready to explode, but instead channeled those energy to sleeping...grr,grr...

anyways, later in the afternoon, met up with ex-housemates for a game of bowling at Midvalley...had tons of fun! it's funny tho'..we stayed with each other for almost 4 years and during that time, only went for 1 bowling game...anyways, shouted ourselves hoarse and made right fools of ourselves, hehehe...but it was fun! went to the arcade for some games and then dinner at Jalan Bangsar where we met our friend's new boyfriend...hmm..'Nuff said...

The LAst Day of The 2-Day Holiday

again..woke up early to accompany my mom (yet again) to Sungai Buloh to get some plants...but this was enjoyable...went to the Leprosy Center there...when i first went there years ago, i was a little freaked out at the idea of actually going into that place...the images of the patients there had me sitting on the edge of my seat and i didn't really wanna have a look around, in case i may see something unpleasant..imagine my surprise when i reached that place...it was like a small village forgotten by time...apparently, years, and years back (maybe during the 60s, i;m not too sure) they built this place to isolate the leprosy patients..there were quarters for them, medical center, community hall, places of worship..a self-sufficient place...over the years, the disease didn't posed any kind of nationwide threat that the patients' number dwindled...nowadays, i think there are leprosy patients there but the numbers might be much smaller...it's such a lovely place..there are lots of quaint, colonial quarters..there are lots of big, shady trees (imagine Cameron Highlands), small roads..and it's very peaceful...you can actually hear the birds chirping and those sounds you only hear when you're close to the jungle...they actually have loads of mini nurseries inside selling all kinds of plants, flowers, shrubs..every imaginable type of greenery that you can get from this part of the lowlands...lovely! my mom bought so many plants that crowded the backseat of the 4-wheel till we can't see the backview from the rear-view mirror..hehehe....driving hazard...can't wait till she gets them all planted...i don't have green fingers but i love to be surrounded by all plants and flowers...*sigh*...little wonder that the whole area feels cool despite the sunlight streaming down between the trees...

in the afternoon, went over to my cousin's place for a small get-together to celebrate her kids' birthday...adorable little tykes...they have such chubby cheeks!...one of them even looks like my late grandpa...we got them a soccer goal set that comes with two goals and a soccer ball..heheehhe...it was great seeing all the relatives and cousins..too bad i don't see them more often...the lunch was good tho'...heheheh...

i don't usually have loads of stuff to do on holidays, even weekends...they only come in short spells...like, i'd have full weekends for a span of 2 weeks and then very quiet ones for about a month...during those quiet weekends you can see me practically glued to the tv...i can basically watch anything on tv...especially with the Astro on..hahaha...i think i was deprived of entertainment of the celluloid kind during my growing-up years, hence my addiction to the idiot box...i supposed my mom thought that we could devote our time studying and become a huge success in the future...*whoops*...but we turned out just fine...i think...oh well...

and onwards we march to the last day of the working week...wheeeeeee!!! ..my mom rationalized that, since its a Friday, the day should just fly right?..Right??!!

hope so... :)

*sigh*...pure ignorant bliss...

Rules for This Diet


...If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

...If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

...When you eat with someone else, calories don''t count if you do not eat more than they do.

...Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

...If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

...Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one''s personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.

....Cookie pieces contain no calories. (The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.)

....Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

....Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.

....Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

....Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

....Anything consumed from someone else''s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)


REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS

*smile factor* - my bosses declared a profit today of about half a mill...so, we had kfc lunch! nona, jgn jealous, hehehe...bloated now, tho'..ugghh....

i love my life...

and no, i am not reaffirming my beliefs here..i honestly do love my life...it is a little small, filled with only my dearest family and friends...but that's it...it's filled with memories, laughter, loyalty, a little quarrel now and then, the monotonous daily going-ons...but as to quote Jack Nicholson..it is as good as it gets...

i may not lead a very full social life...my weekends are not packed with invitations to parties, clubs, or any other "happening" places...nor does it constitute the "beautiful people" who regularly makes the society pages or the who's who list...instead, these are the people who have shared so much with me...the people, whom in 20 years time i can turn to and say, we had some fun last time, didn't we?

the reason i'm tapping all these is that the night before i had a conversation with a dear friend over dinner...and i find that as much as i like to meet new people, i would really like to meet those people that would come and stay as friends...people i can have conversations with regularly..people whom i can talk to even tho' we have not seen each other for about a month...some of my ex-classmates are like that....lovely people, they are...

i used to expect big things to happen in my life by the time i reach this age..haha, so far not much has happened...but i have gathered a wealth of knowledge, a joyful bundle of close friends and more experiences than i can remember...my days are now filled with small, but enjoyable bits...like reading a great book on the train on the way home from work, finding things online that i haven't come across off, a chatty session with a friend over the phone, some quality time with the family (usually in front of the telly)...hmm, not much huh? but that's it...it keeps me happy, it keeps me grounded...and it actually keeps me dreaming, wondering and still hoping...

not for a better life..more of what the future holds...i don't plan that much anymore, i just go with the flow...just like Simon Birch, i believe God has great plans for us...so, i leave it to Him...in the meantime, i should just cherish this small life i lead, and try to do my best in everything...one thing that i do believe in is keeping a positive outlook on life...i've learned that it may not turn out as how you wanted it to be, but it will, somehow or other, turn out for the best....

which is why i couldn't accept what Charlotte from Sex and the City said about her meeting the perfect one, her soulmate...(yup, stayed up late last night to watch it despite numerous reruns, hehehe)...her current husband does not "fit" her in some way...but it got me thinking...why is it that soulmates should confirm to our ideals? if he or she does something not right or not in tune with you, then what? he or she is no longer your soulmate? i believe that soulmates are supposed to complement each other...supplying the little bits and pieces of each other that they lack...when they come together, they will be a perfect blend...

maybe there isn't a perfect someone out there, but to me that's a sign from God to tell us that life is one big endeavour, a small struglle of some sort...we have to keep moving, changing, developing...for example, even in matters of religion, we started out slow and only with the basic activities...as we grow older, we are encouraged to do more (i'm not sure if encourage is the word), and later in life, we should developed the serene peace and understanding that comes along with all the years of maturity, and religious activities...to be able tu see the big picture clearly, and to comprehend why our life was the way it was....

same goes with a relationship...if we already have the perfect someone, we would be complacent, there wouldn't be any venue for development...there wouldn't be any need for change, or maturity...for even the world goes through changes...i guess, what i'm trying to say is that if we haven't found the perfect someone, maybe it's time to sit down and to reflect on your ideas of the perfect someone...what maturity does to you is that you will be able to swallow the fact that there will never be the perfect person for you...instead he will be perfectly flawed enough for you to accept him to be your perfect someone....


i am so rambling this morning...i may non be making any sense at all...wonder what brought it on? :)

anyway, have a nice day people....

Friday and Saturday

wheww....i was actually gasping for breath on friday...i was swamped with work!! didn't even have the time to update my blog (u poor thing, you...)..turns out that a colleague of mine had to take compassionate leave as her grandma had passed away..(innalillahiwainnaillaihi raajiun..)..so, had to take over her duty...but that was fine cause there was a new trainee, whom i had specifically taught what to do in case me or my colleague went MIA...UNFORTUNATELY, another colleague, developed a migraine early that morning and had to take an MC...the thing is, in a dealing room of about 10 people ( one of the smallest one in Malaysia, i believe...) only i know the ins and outs of the job...so i had to take over her duties..normally that would be ok cause it would keep me busy...but they had LOADS of transaction that even kept me away from lunch!! i was actually gasping for breath by 3 p.m...

didn't even have time to check my email inbox..oh, that's another thing...after 4 days of being away from the office, i discovered there was at least 130 new mails...yikes!!...i was too busy too open them all, so i deleted those junk ones and repeated ones...however, throughout the course of the day, being a friday so i guess these people don't have much to do, my reduced number of unopened mails increased due to the inflow of brand new ones!! didn't have the energy to even open one so i left to deal with it on Monday...

so...went home in the pouring rain...read a new book on the komuter...Under The Duvet by Marian Keyes...hilarious!! i kept chuckling to myself...thanks nona for the book and the entertainment!! anyways, had briyani dinner in bangsar with dear friends and cousin...had a good chat session...walked out only to find my mom's car covered in bird poop! oh man! she's gonna kill me! hehehe, luckily, my cousin's car suffered the same fate so we drove over the house and this new-found friend of mine helped us to hose it down...

we had the brightest idea to have a sleepover at my place that night...very spontaneous..just like old times, huh afti...but, not without a drive round good ole pj first...went to the 7E to get dessert...hahahah, Lidah Jeli from the Mat Kool monkey...yummy! went over to this friend's house to look at his cats...me? i'm not a cat person, but petting them didn't throw me in fits of hysteria anymore like it used to few years back, heheheh....went up to Bukit Gasing only to fiind that it's pretty scary at night...when all the rendezvous-ing was over, we finally made the long journey back home...

did we have any energy left? you betcha!! stayed up till 5 a.m. talking and eating potato puffs that has crumbled till it resembled potato mush...never was a good cook me...hehehe, btw, had my sis to fry them..(!!)..nona, had long gone to Never-neverland as a result of her trip back from Kelantan the day before...

so on Saturday, woke up around 10 (haha, whoops! )...dilly-dallied a bit..then started to sent them home...we had prior engagements...but, the whole thing was transformed into high drama when we discovered that we were all late for our appointments..and that the briyani we had the night before didn;'t exactly agreed with our delicate stomach...so, guess who had a mad rush from shah alam amidst traffic jam, long queues,accidents and excrutiatingly loong traffic lights, with our stomach churning up a storm inside? yup, that was us...let's not divulge who had to keep quiet the whole way for fear that her faith in her bowels would be dispelled here...hehehe...well, thank god, afti lives in pj and has a decent enough, ahem, powder room....so the unthinkable didn't happen...alhamdulillah...

went for a facial that afternoon...it was supposed to be a form of pampering for your face but i didn' t feel pampered at all (ouch!) but it was great fun hanging out with my dear, dear friends...missed them a lot...they had plans to go dancing that night (dancing...how cute! brings to mind the images of ballet slippers and pink tutus doesn't it, but with this clan, pink tutus would be deeemed too decent, heheheeh...)...so went home, courtesy of the Great Nona, to have dinner with the folks and early bedtime...tiring day that was...

Sunday

Happy Mothers' Day! and so, in light of the celebration an aunt decided to have a pot luck lunch over at house...so off we went for lunch with the FAMILY...had lotsa good stuff to eat...kampung food and all...lovely, lovely..can't help but have seconds, hehehe...there was gulai nangka, sambal petai, lala goreng, pari masak merah, ikan masin, sambal belacan, daun ubi kayu rebus, and to top it all of pengat pisang and jagung...heavenly, i tell ya! my grandma even made her specialty..a concoction of fish, spices and daun keladi called the bobotok...don't ask me how its name got about, but i tell ya, it was yummy! hmm, i think only pure sungai choh-ians would know what it really looks like...

played around with this adorable bundle of Pampers that was my youngest cousin...charming little guy who had such big, droopy, chewable cheeks that makes you wanna pinch them till they come off...*sigh* they grow up so fast....ooh, anyway, highest point of the day...got back on the bicycle!! well, it was my cousin's and kinda high..but managed to cycle round for a bit...hahaha...looks like i still got it...kinda wobbly at times...but hey, it has been almost 8 years...

hence, my weekend...an activity-filled one with lotsa laughs....lifted up my spirits so i can face this brand new day in the office...good thing they have a 2-day holiday this week! :)

2 things happened yesterday...

First, a dear relative of mine passed away...he was my mom's cousin's husband..altho' he was not directly related to my mom's side of the family, it seems that he is one of us...he was a great gentleman..yup, gentleman..he loved his wife and family very much, loved kids, loved life and always seem to have the vigour and passion for it...granted, that i only see him once a year during Raya but i could sum all those description after years of consistently visiting him for Raya...the previous one was the last that I saw of him...i regretted not visiting him again after that as he was ailing...he finally succumbed to the illness yesterday..after 81 years...i paid my respects last night to the family...and it was very, very sad...his wife, who had always been dependent on him, was there...looking lost, and had lost a lot of weight, seemed shrunken...you see, she had always, always consulted her husband on almost everything...even as they were preparing the food for the guests, the words came out of her mouth before she even realised it : "lauk nie macam mane.."...nearly broke my heart...
he was a great man..and it was evident how much he loved her...portraits of him and her are all over the house...pictures of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were what mostly graced their walls...his wife, my mother's cousin, has always been a little weak and have a bad knee...he tended to her needs and is always, always by her side...i've never seen one without the other...even at his old age, he's been known to carry her whenever she's unable to walk...
whenever there was a dispute within the family, he would be there to help settle it...a peacemaker...he always held parties at big hotels..birthdays, anniversaries...as a matter of fact, he had always held anniversaries and had faithfully call upon the Malay veteran singer Julie Sudiro for all celebrations, that they composed him and his wife an anniversary song...such was their love...over 50 years....
i guess things will never be the same...i can't imagine going over to his place and not see him again..a distinguished man, with snowy hair and fair skin, eyes that crinkled up at the corners when he smiles, a ready smile every time..

oh god, i'm leaking....

Pak Ngah, you will always be remembered in our memory and prayers...

moving on...

got a really bad news yesterday...don't really want to talk about it...i guess it's meant to make me a stronger person...to stop being too much of a dreamer and to start being more practical...maybe there's a hikmah behind it...that's what my mom said...i know she knew i was sad about it, but can't do much about it...so God, please give me the strength, murahkan rezekiku, if this was not meant for me, then i pray for Your Grace to grant me what's best for me...Amin..

and today is a brand new day...bring it on....

Love’s Philosophy - Percy Bysshe Shelley

The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of Heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single,
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle -
Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high Heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea -
What are all these kissings worth
If thou kiss not me?

Thank you dear cousin...i had this hanging on my wall during my uni years, did u know..? served as an inspiration...

My dear Nona..hope you're reading this...we're always here for you....be strong aiight...may it also be an inspiration to many more....

By Unknown

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who hate, and let that love embrace you as you go out into the world. May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. Remember, those whose lives you have touched and whose have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than the form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time each day to see beauty and love in the world around you. Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience. May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments. May you always feel loved.

ehehheheeheheehe....finally organized my archives...that deserves a long giggle, doesn't it? hehehehehehehehhehehehe...now everyone can read my perfectly organized nonsense...

anyways, i have this thing for all things japanese...so today, i went up to my classmate (the one who just got back from a 10-year stay in Japan)..and started chatting...nice dude, his english was not very fluent but we managed...haahaaha...i told him that i like the japanese language and i asked him to say something...then he said....konichiwa! hello..like i don't know what that means...hehehe...so he said this one sentence...i was like, wow, what does that mean? then he said: It means you are very pretty...(awwwww) cue the audience...ahhaahaha...how sweet..if that was really what it meant!

speaking of japanese...they're showing a new japanese series on tv, Hero...wheee!!! main actor : Takuya Kimura (we're not worthy, we're not worthy!!) yummy appetiser to dinner, i must say...ehhehehe....


*currently listening to Blackstreet...again.....such a beeyoootifull song....*

arrgghh...i'm late!!!!!! hehehe...don't think i'll be able to update this thing properly...
anyways..let me just tell you bout my classes at the IBBM....so basically, all of us are from various banks in Malaysia...merchant, commercial, foreign banks...and all with a mission to actually pass this freaking thing so as in order to obtain our precious license...or more, accurately, a mission to actually NOT fall asleep in class! believe me...our conversations during tea breaks consists of our strategies to keep ourselves awake...needless to say, mints, sweets and assam were passed around...
hmm..tea breaks...that's another thing...for an adorably round person like me who's trying to lose weight (can't believe i'm sending this out to cyberspace! )..the tea breaks are just evidence that discipline is merely not enough! what you really need is a strong rope and gag to bound you to your seat while others enjoy their coffee or tea and kuehs...the kuehs..let me tell you..*sigh* ...malay kuehs are the best, i think...and this is what they serve us during our tea breaks...twice daily!! (my scales are definitely groaning)..so sedap...
and lunch! omigod...i think we had, like, all kinds of animals yesterday...fish, chicken, lamb, beef...all in one lunch session!! how lah like that?
hehehe....ok, like i'm not even describing the actual classes....but it's kinda dry...this week's session is all about forwards and swaps...yada, yada, yada...but i found out one thing! there are only 3 banks in Singapore! or am i the last one to find out? well, that was one nugget of info i managed to grab in between cat naps....
catnaps you say?? but i didn't mean to! i managed to stay awake despite heavy eyelids before the first tea break...then i think the kueh just got me laa...i find myself dozing after that...discreetly, of course...it was really bad...the lecturer's voice seemed to serve as a gentle lullaby that lulls me to sleep..acckk!!! wake up, wake up!! well, at least i didn't bury my head in my arms like one of my classmste did...ehehehe...so cute...
hmm...classmates...very interesting bunch...i have the most adorable, big Chinese giant for a deskmate...works for UOB...very nice fella...he's really smart, and that really helps as i'm blur most of the time...very nice dude who's into very pretty girls..had lotsa laugh over other classmates too...whoops...hehehe...
there's a few girls from citibank whom he claims as very eksi (arrogantlaa)..just cuz they're from citibank...a dude who has a Phd from INdia who's there just for fun it seems...he's not even in the banking industry! said he felt like taking the exam (!!) he can't speak or understand malay, tho'..so, he couldn't really get it when the lecturer makes fun in Malay...poor thing...then there's this guy, who has worked in Tokyo for the last 10 years! just came back and currently working in a local Jap bank...he's english even sounds japanese! hmm...very interesting...a bunch of pretty SYT (sweet young things) brokers with perky voices and butts to match...a actteering of young male brokers with bedroom voices (swoon!)...i'm such a sucker for a guy with deep voices....
ok, ok...i'm actually rambling here as i've to type as fast as i can before going to classes...see? my mom's bugging me again....such punctuality does not run in the family....
later then....

yaay! finally managed to enter this blogger...haven't been updating in a couple of days...and like what i read in another interesting blogger's site, a couple of days is like an eternity in cyberspace (or something like that)..so here i am, in my mom's office tapping out this entry at precisely 7.35 a.m...
7.35 am, you say? yup..*sigh*...this is my pit stop before i go off to my classes...classes, u say? yup...*sigh*...i'm currently taking a series of classes at IBBM (Institut Bank Bank M'sia)/M'sian Banking Institute (hope i got that right)...anyways, my current job requires me to acquire a license..a trading license, to be precise..and therefore, i have to endure 4 weeks of boring, sometimes entertaining lectures on the the money market, on BNM (Bank Negara M'sia), yada,yada,yada...had 2 sessions already, and today is the start of the 3rd session...something i'm not looking forward to..as am feeling very sleepy due to coming home late last night after dinner with cousin and friends...had fun...but got home late and couldn't sleep..i kept waking up, thinking i only got a couple of winks...so with bleary eyes i will drag myself to my classes...arrgghh....9-5...oh ,maan....
anyways, had a fun-filled weekend...went to eat ikan bakar at Jalan Bellamy...had 4 different types of fish...my favorite? the stingray and ikan keli (i dunno what they call it in english) but it was really yummy...went with 2 dear friends, one whom share my interest in food, hehehe..and the other who's on a mission to eat something that looks like a fish !! hehehe...guess the stingray and the keli doesn't look like a conventional fish...hmmm....then we moseyed down to midvalley to watch a movie..what else? of course the new x-men flick...unfortunately, due to the large crowd on a holiday..the only seats left were the front rows'! *sigh*...so, there goes my dream of actually watching a sequel to a movie without watching the first one...hehehehe....we hung around, witnesses the momentous occasion of my dear friend buying her first sports shoes (awwww...)...had some bubble drinks...(yum!)..then later went home...wanted to go out for dinner with the folks at home...turns out it was a 2 ppl affair (my dad n sis)...so decided to stay at home and wait for my tapau-ed maggi goreng...however, my darling mother who just got home from some wedding celebrations developed a craving for a Big Mac...so off me and my sis go...in search for the BURGER...ehehehe...along the way, we swing by an out-of-the-way vcd shop...(hang on, if it was out-of-the-way, we wouldn't exactly be swinging by, right?..err, whatever..) picked up 3 vcds, one of them, Empire Records...yup, i'm the sad one who hasn't watched it yet...later that night, wanted to log on, but grr, little sis, grr...had to be on the phone for like, oh, i dunno, HOURS!!!! fell asleep on the couch waiting for her...thus, the natural transition to bed when the body starts to ache, hahaha...
Sunday..hoho...had to wake up early for a ...get this...volleyball game...yup, a volleyball game...i haven't touched a volleyball since, what, i was 12?! and there i was, with a dear friend..driving all the way back to my beloved uni...all the way across the state (well, not eaxctly)..for a game of volleyball...with a bunch of ex-uni mates...hmm, had fun tho' altho' arms will never be the same...ouch...was feeling sore the whole day after that...BUT, (triumphantly, with index finger in the air) managed to hit the ball a couple of time...not bad, huh? hmm...wonder if they're gonna ask us to play again with them next week? judging by the klutzy but adorable way we played(hehehehe)..methinks not....altho if we were asked, again...should be fun...ahhaha...we'll see...
have more to write actually, but mother dearest is bugging me to leave her office to go to class...arrggh!!!! so malas....
later then....

can't resist this....lovely, lovely song..please, please listen to it...currently listening to it 3 times in a row....*smiling all the way to bed*

BLACKSTREET

"In A Rush"(feat. Stevie Wonder)

It came over me in a rush
When I realized that I love you so much
That sometimes I cry, but I can't tell you why
why I feel what I feel inside

How I try to express what's been jugglin' my mind
But still can't find the words
But I know that something's got a hold of me


Baby, some day I'll find a way to say
just what you mean to me
But if that day never comes along
and you don't hear this song
I guess you'll never know that...

And when I say inside, I mean deep
You fill my soul with something I cannot explain
What's over me

The Resolution

a dear friend has been bugging me to update my blog..however,"dear friend", due to the extremely long phone conversation we had earlier on, i lost my train of thoughts and now, consumed by the desire to join forces with my bed! hehehe, oh well...

had a very, very hectic day yesterday, hence the un-updated blog....had to show the ropes to this new trainee and carry on with my daily duties AND take over the duties of an elderlay colleague, who had conveniently disappeared due to the Labour Day holiday...well, for a person not entitled to any leave for an entire 6 MONTHS (!)..i think the whole thing sucks!! but, who am i to deny her of her own quest for a life outside the office, huh? AND I HAD SO MUCH TO WRITE, TOO!! and now those thoughts are gone...well, actually, they're hovering at the back of my mind, but i'm to lazy to dig them out and display them out in the open...maybe next time, ya....
was out of the house for most part of the day...my dad's cousin passed away yesterday (innalillahiwainnaillaihiraajiun)...so we paid a visit to his family this morning, and stayed around till they came back from burying him...his wife had fainted so many times and looked really exhausted...she also had this vacant, lost look on her face...everyone was urging her to eat but she told them she takde selera (have no appetite)...well, who would blame her..your life partner is gone..leaving you to face the world on your own along with the children...i wondered what was going on in her mind...i wasn't very close with this particular branch of my dad's family tree...so i didn't know her very well...so i didn't know if she was very dependent on him...

i guess the whole funeral got me thinking...i know this is very cliched..but you shouldn't really hold a grudge against others....what are you gonna do once they're gone..? still hold the grude? i read somewhere that (correct me if i'm wrong here) that their roh (spirit) will not lie still if they owe something to someone in the mortal world...be it an apology, money or any material thing...they will remain a tortured spirit...another thing...the apology...what if during your lifetime...all those years you owe a person an apology, but kept it to yourself for fear that your ego will be bruised..or keep procrastinating it...when the person's gone, wouldn't you carry your regrets to the grave?..

and just as stated on a dear friend's site..."iF LiFe iS So SHoRT, HoW MuCH WaSTeD TiMe WiLL We SuRViVe?"...

so i guess, today is as good as any day to start being a forgiving person..a very forgiving person...

let go of all grudges, dengki, any type of jealousy...anything that ties you down to the person's immortallty...be grateful, adhere to God's rule of Qada' n Qadar...believe in the power of rezeki and always, always remember Him...when you keep him close to you...all your burden will be lightened..Insya-Allah...